Recently, people have been asking me how I am still single or why I am still single. To give an honest answer, I don’t know what I want. This answer does upset some girls when I tell them because they want to be ready — but the thing for me is I never know when I will be ready.
Some days I’ll say to myself I think I am ready and other days I’ll think maybe its better to be single. So why do I change? Certain times, to be completely honest, I don’t know. 85% of the time I never know what to do when it comes to certain decisions this big and I never know when I should say to myself I’m ready.
As I have seen more of my friends begin dating and having cute relationships I sometimes say that’s what I want and I am ready for that. However, I then ask a question that I have been asking myself since my senior year of high school: “Do I want a relationship because it’s what I want or because everyone else I know is in one?” After I ask this question, I then realize that maybe a relationship isn’t what I want right now. Don’t get me wrong I do love being a part of a couple and going on dates but I can’t seem to give a reason for why I am so between wanting a relationship and not wanting one.
One thing that has always been a huge deal for me is my friends. My friends are the ones I confide so many of my feelings in and are the reason I have so many memorable experiences in college. My friends are always there for me and while I know that the girl I start dating will do the same thing that gets me nervous is if they will ever get tired of me. When I was 17 a girl told me “Can’t you take the hint you are so annoying and I don’t want to talk to you?” Hearing these words made not talk to people as much and come up with a rule of waiting for times to text people to ensure space.
When dating one thing that comes to mind is how much time you spend with your significant other. I do love spending time with the people I date but one thing that I get intimidated by is if/when I annoy them. My best friend just told me how he likes attention which is normal and very similar to me. I like the idea of feeling needed and I guess that’s something I want in a relationship. I know not everyone is comfortable giving attention 24/7 and I understand that but one thing I do want in a relationship is someone who will always be comfortable with me and enjoys my presence.
I haven’t been in many relationships but I know based on my family and friends in relationships that they found the perfect one and that is what I aspire to find as well. I want someone who can be my best friend and someone who I can be myself around. My friends jokingly say the trifecta for me is Jewish, High School Musical lover and fan of vines. While these are a few things that describe me I would hope that there is more I look for in a woman. The woman I want to be with is someone who I will love and want with me. So that’s why I am still single.
I haven’t found the one who has made me say "I really want to be with you." And as of right now I don’t think I am in a rush.
