Before finals ended, students were all talking about how excited they were to go back home and see their friends and families. But be careful what you wish for, because just a couple weeks days into break, like clockwork, we are all suddenly wishing we were back at school. If you have a family that gets on your nerves so much you’d rather rewrite every APA format research paper that you're ever done than spend another day around them, then this guide to surviving the holidays might be for you.
1. Lie.
You’d think they would realize by now that you’re #foreveralone, yet everyone still asks if you have a significant other at every family event. This time, just flash them a blurry picture of you with that guy you attempted to take to your formal but ended up ditching 20 minutes in.
2. Find a hiding spot in advance.
During the middle of Christmas dinner, your extended family will inevitably start arguing about whether it's your mom or your dad's fault you're failing out of school. Sneak away and find a closet or unoccupied room for a haven. They’ll eventually forget about you and move on to torturing one of your siblings instead.
3. Fake it till you make it.
Pretend you have your life together so the family actually thinks you’re doing something worthwhile with your time. If you admit that your grades this semester have dropped to rock bottom or that you got kicked out of the one club you were in because you skipped too many events, you’ll just end up getting an hour long lecture about how it’s time to grow up.
4. Steal the eggnog…
Or whatever you can find in the liquor cabinet if your mom is too lazy to make eggnog. When your preteen cousins are proudly flaunting their brand new iPads, find an opening to run to the kitchen for a drink. Just make sure your watchful relatives don't spot you on the way.
5. Go "Christmas shopping"
Don't lie to yourself, I know you're going to do this the day before. So will I.
6. Re-sub your Netflix.
Netflix is always the answer. The best way to stop your mom from talking about how you suck at life is by turning on a movie in the living room to distract your family.
7. Eat.
Don't worry about the fact that you just gained the freshman 15. It's home-cooked food.
8. Help clean up at the end.
Wrapping paper is everywhere, and food is covering the table. You'll never get out of this part. Just deal with it.
9. Invite a friend over to give them a present.
The family won't act as crazy with a guest at the house. Even if your friend just stays for an hour, it'll keep everyone calmer for a little while.
10. Quietly deal with the frustration.
Just don't let anyone know that their antics are getting to you. The more you show it, the more they'll bother you about it.
11. Vent to your friends when we come back to school.
Everything is funnier looking back. You’ll all have a lot to laugh about, and more than likely your friends have some silly stories to share about their holiday as well. I know you feel like you’re alone, but you’re not the only one with a dysfunctional family.
On the bright side, you’ll probably get enough Patagonia pullovers, bean boots, and Naked pallets to last a basic bitch like you till next Christmas.
Just try to keep in mind what the holidays are really about. Remember to thank your family because they really actually do a lot for you (like feed you and make sure your bank account is in the double digits again). You’ll get through it and be back at school before you know it.
