If there is one thing true to all people, it’s that we all want to be loved. As a student at a university and a young adult, I often observe others insistent on finding “the one.” Simply speaking, we all should be aware of what we want and need in a relationship, but is it right to be constantly seeking that intimacy in relationships? I believe that what people call “true love,” comes not through finding someone else, but through a process of discovering yourself, in someone else.

A personal example. I’ve had my fair share of relationships; thus, I’ve had a fair share of breakups. Humans are designed to work together, so it’s reasonable to say that dealing with others will be some of the most difficult struggles we all face. If we could avoid heartbreak we would, but when is everything that simple? Through learning by experience and understanding what I need in a relationship, I have become more mature as a person, as well as in a relationship. However, I still haven’t found the person I will be with, so my call is to be the best person I can in every circumstance I find myself in.

What are your expectations? When I say expectations, it also means identity. You cannot expect yourself to fall in love with someone when you don’t know yourself. As I explained in my last article, how can we be happy and expect to grow when we don’t know what values are worth pursuing? Before you begin to look in someone else for satisfaction, ask yourself, “Do I satisfy myself? Am I able to find happiness in my own worth rather than another person’s?”

Love is a dangerous game. Love is dangerous, risky, and often uncertain. Being ready by understanding yourself and your needs is the only way to be prepared for all that comes in a relationship. Love is process. No one finds love immediately. It took years to understand my purpose and how to live that out. We cannot expect to fall in love with someone when we don’t understand their passions, dreams, and purpose. Love is a respect. If I spent 20 years figuring out who I am and finding gratefulness in myself, put in the time to understand and appreciate who and what drives others.

What is love? I wish I could give a simple definition, but love isn’t simple. Love, however, is self-sacrificial and compassionate. Love is understanding and empathetic. It recognizes the dreams and drives of others and does not limit, but encourages to grow and find ways to improve outside the limits. It might be heartrending to learn that someone you love is moving away for their career, but find joy that their dreams will satisfy them more than any other person could ever.

The call. Don’t search for the one who will fill you, search for the dream that fulfills you. Find your motivations, recognize what you have a heart for; along the journey you’ll find someone who shares those with you. There will be heartbreak, but understand that you will grow and mature through the pain. Only strength and new wisdom can come from difficult times. Finally, if you remain true to yourself and your values, everything will come in time. Love isn’t something you receive from others; love is something that is given to others.