Though I have two older brothers and four younger brothers, I often consider myself having grown up as the big sister to five boys. In my neighborhood, I was the only girl in my age range for miles. I had close family friends as next-door neighbors with four boys and my own brother, who was three years younger (the other two siblings did not come until many years later), leaving me as the only girl.
When I was younger, I would have died for a girl around my age in the cul-de-sac to play dress up and paint nails with; now, I could not be more grateful for growing up surrounded solely by boys. I am a stronger woman and a better future wife and mother because of my brothers than I would have been if I had had a childhood full of tea parties and doll houses. Those five boys drove me crazy, but without a doubt they made me who I am today. From them I learned about respect, boundaries, and how women are just as strong as men.
I am strong, independent, and successful because of my “brothers” and these six lessons I learned from growing up the Wendy in a neighborhood of Lost Boys.
1. How to be a fighter.
Anyone who grows up with boys knows how much rough housing goes on. With six and sometimes even more of us in the house, we got into plenty of fights. As “one of the boys,” I learned early on that I would not get special treatment. When my hair was pulled, I couldn’t tattle, but simply had to tie it back and jump in the dog pile.
Not every bruise earned in the neighborhood was due to flag football or fights over the green marker, as we all learned how to verbally fight. This alternative was more direct, with less risk of getting caught by mom or being hurt in retaliation. As one of the smallest and the only girl, I quickly sharpened my tongue to be deadliest of all.
2. How to be the boss.
Being the oldest of the group, I naturally took the ringleader role. There is something empowering about being the sole female in charge of all the men. I learned how to make rules fair, how to keep our shenanigans on the down low, and how to keep us out of trouble. Being in charge took a balance of following strict rules and having fun while earning the boys’ trust to lead and keep the peace – a mentality that has proved beneficial in every aspect of my life.
3. How to suck it up.
As I said before, boys fight a lot. I couldn’t be the one to cry or give up and I refused to allow them to use my gender as an excuse for my weakness. Complaining or crying got me nowhere, so I learned how to stand strong and deal with the repercussions when someone decided to fight back.
4. How to be caring.
When the moms were away, I was the fill-in (see above as the oldest and in charge). I learned how to handle disagreements between siblings, how to use Neosporin and Band-Aids, and how to cook easy meals. Playing house is a childhood game, but sometimes, I felt like it was my reality. I helped them pick out clothes, do their homework, give advice, and heal “boo-boos." As the oldest and only girl, my instinct to nurture kicked into overdrive and lead me to choose a career path where I could help people every day.
5. How to be patient.
Perhaps this is less about the boys and more about the sheer number of us all, but early on, I learned the virtue of patience and the value of taking turns. Just because I was a girl did not mean I got to go first or pick the game/movie for the day. I was an equal, just like the rest of them, who had to wait their turn.
6. How to demand respect.
If I could earn the respect of five or more boys playing football and wiffle ball, then I knew that I could earn the respect of anyone in my life. I learned how I want a future husband to treat me and that I deserved as much respect as any male peer or future coworker. (So take that, Patriarchy!)
The highest compliment I have ever received is on my presence as a strong woman who does not take any man’s opinion of me as higher than my own. I am strong, independent and caring because of how I grew up. I wasn’t just “one of the boys,” I was a girl who knew how to hold her own. That, my fellow women, is the greatest lesson of all.
