College, especially freshman year, brings up questions about how I've changed since senior year of high school. While it's fun to focus on the past, it's better to move on to the present and future. There are so many things to explore.
1. Managing friendships from high school and college.
2. "Finding yourself."
When I first went to college, I considered myself an introvert. However, now, I would consider myself an ambivert to some degree because I've been enjoying spending time with new people, and if I don't do something on a Friday night, I end up feeling very sad and lonely. Staying in a dorm offers a lot of freedom for me because I don't have my mother refusing to let me go hang out with a friend at 10 p.m. and most of my college friends live on campus. This offers quick access to my friends (and study buddies! I know, dorky.) Additionally, if I told my senior-year-self that I'd end up going to a rave in college, my eyes would widen like no tomorrow. I've learned I'm more open to experiences, in a safe manner anyway.
3. Romance is weird.
In high school, relationships were this lofty concept I didn't quite understand and still don't understand. After being in a relationship, the naive perspective I had before about what a relationship was had disappeared. I began to understand what my expectations in a relationship were. I've also learned what "hookup culture" is, and that it's something I don't want to partake in. Additionally, I've learned that there is a certain thin line between friendship and romance developed in platonic relationships. It is something that's very perplexing to me. If I develop a crush on a friend, the question of whether or not I would want to risk that friendship is brought to the table.
4. Family vs friendship.
While dorming, I've discovered that I spend a lot less time with my family, and I sometimes miss the companionship of my younger sister. Winter/spring breaks are spent with high school friends and managing time with family gets difficult. I feel like I'm distancing myself from my family members and sometimes I wonder if I'm losing my "roots" in the process.
5. So much less time for hobbies.
Most of my time is spent studying, in class or hanging out with friends. This leaves very little time to just chill and watch TV. If I have time to chill, it's usually spent in a school club, hanging out with people, doing work that I consider less strenuous. It has become harder and harder to answer people when they ask me what my hobbies are because I can't exactly tell them that my hobbies are feeling unproductive when I'm not doing work or scrolling through Tumblr because it's an endless void.
6. So much change.
Days go by in a blur and work has to be done quickly. Weekends have to spent being semi-productive or I feel like I'm behind. People and environments change, whether it's through a new beard they've grown or their sudden obsession with a new sorority they're in. I started noticing that I was becoming more assertive and I've been questioning what my importance is to people. Also, I'm constantly running out of tip money for when I decide to order Chinese food. Whoops.
