Growing up as a Christian I was afraid I was not good enough. By that I mean, I felt like I was not a “perfect" Christian. Being involved in bible schools and church camps, I felt like I had to be “perfect" like everyone else around me. Everyone around me would talk about being saved and the commitment they had made to God. I was still young and waiting, but I felt bad about myself for not being saved. The wait was well worth it. When I heard God in my heart i was 14 years old, I was still fairly young but I knew I had never felt that numbing hair raising feeling before. The presents of God warming and feeling my heart with security and safety. But, even then I knew I was not a perfect Christian. It made me realize that being a Christian means being open with others. Letting others know how God has moved mountains in your life. Sharing his word and admitting you are not a perfect Christian and you are just like everyone else. I have made excuses, I have made mistakes, I sin. I'm a christian.

Growing up as a Christian, you are taught to put God first. I would make a list of all the people I love and God would be number one. When someone would ask who my best friend was I would say “Gods first but you are second”. I always put God first when I was little because I knew he was in my heart. As I grow older sometimes I forget God should be number one. I have a hard time because I like to put myself first. Although self love is an amazing quality trait, the one who made me, the one who molded me and shaped me with his love, should always be first in everything I do.

Growing up as a Christian I was afraid to say that my relationship with God was not where it needed to be. But whose is? No matter how much I put God first and take out time for him, my relationship with God is not at a full 100. I know my relationship could be constant praise, making trips around the world to spread the word to every one who walks this earth, not sinning. There is always that bump. Not sinning. The undefeated battle we all struggle to constrain everyday. That’s why I will never be 100 or perfect, but I can be close. When I break down crying, telling God I feel like I have failed him, he reminds me of the person I can be.

Growing up as a Christian I have realized you can go to church every Sunday and Wednesday but if you are not worshipping every day, you aren't worshipping for yourself. That is a daily reminder that I tell myself, worship the Lord for yourself with yourself every day.

I am not afraid to say I am not perfect, I mess up. I fall down on my knees, but when I do I pray to get back up. God created me to be a good Christian not a perfect one. It's okay to not be okay and its okay to fail. What is not okay is to keep failing and resisting the urge to make a change. Growing up a Christian has taught me that its okay to tell others about your struggles your with faith, because most likely someone else is too.