Grief is a word that comes with a lot of meaning. While grief may come with the vision of a casket, burial and sadness, grief is more than this and in fact comes with a plethora of emotions. Grief is incredibly unique for every individual, there is no a defined process that one goes through. However, in my opinion nothing is more painful than grieving someone who is still living.

When someone passes away it is exceptionally painful, I am in no way trying to undermine this form of grief because it too is an extremely difficult experience. I have lost friends and family to cancer, accidents, suicide, old age, etc and I am harshly aware of the pain caused by burying a loved one. Knowing they will never come back is a hard pill to swallow but eventually we learn to accept it because well, we don’t really have a choice.

When you lose someone who is still living it is hard to accept because you always have that glimpse of hope that they will come back into your life life. Imagine losing a parent, a best friend or someone you love and praying every day that they will make an effort to be in your life but they let you down… every single time. Despite your best judgement you can’t help but keep giving them a chance because you love them and it’s not easy to live without them.

Depending on the cause of the grief you feel for a lost loved on who is still living you may hear “You’re better off without them” or, “It’s not your fault and you need to let go.” But it’s hard. It’s hard to stop fighting for something you love. It’s hard to forget. It’s hard to look at people around you and be jealous of the relationships they have that you don’t.

It is so hard to sit at a table with people you love and all you can think about is the one person who didn’t show up… again. It’s hard to see a best friend go down a path that you feel is bad for them and not be able to help, to be pushed out of their life. It’s hard to walk passed someone you once wanted to give the world to and not even receive a “Hey, how are you?”

Sonder: the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. Sometimes I think we forget that every individual in this world is following their own path of right and wrong turns, has their own thoughts, emotions and experiences. We grow uniquely based on the diverse lives we live. While growing is a beautiful part of life, it sometimes means outgrowing people which isn't always easy - especially when you thought you'd have each other forever.

I am a huge believer that you should be thankful for what you have rather than focus on what you don’t. However, there are days where this is easier than others. Life doesn’t always make sense-sometimes we suffer things we do not deserve. We experience pain no matter how much effort we put into avoiding it. Ultimately, we have to prioritize our own happiness. From my perspective, fighting for a relationship that brings happiness to your life is always worth it but at some point the relationship may become toxic and it no longer serves you, at this point it is best to let go.

Loss is inevitable and grief is a natural part of the healing process but good can come from it if you let it. We can choose to be more kind, to cherish every moment, to be more grateful for everything we have.