As many of you know, I lost my father four years ago almost to the day. There's times where I feel like I'm okay, but there are other times where the pain of losing him hits me all over again.
The best thing I can compare the feeling of grief to is a wave. But not one of those small waves in a lake. I'm talking about a roaring wave in the Atlantic Ocean when it's about to storm.
See, waves come in, then there's a little time between the next wave where everything is calm. However, sometimes when we aren't expecting it, the following wave comes crashing in once more.
There is no warning when the wave of grief is going to come. I could be driving listening to music and a song comes on that reminds me of my father. I could be watching a game on the tv reminiscing about all of the games I watched with him. I could just be sitting in my room and see a picture of him on my wall. I could just be laying in bed in the darkness waiting for sleep to come over me and think about all of the amazing memories we had together over seventeen years.
When the grief hits, it takes my breath away. There is no feeling like it. It completely stops me in my tracks and reminds me of how much of a loss I suffered because he was that great of a mind and a one of a kind.
People say, "It will get better with time," or "time heals all." However, like I said, it's been four years. Yet the waves still come. Sure, some months are better than others. But sometimes the waves keep rolling in day after day and it seems like there will never be a moment of calmness again.
However, that's just the price to pay when you have something so great in your life. The giant void that I still feel right now is because there are so many times when he made me feel so happy and whole like the times where we would ride all the rides together at Disney World or Universal Studios, or the times where he laughed so hard he cried. I miss that laugh so much.
Even though the waves of grief hurt like hell, I would rather cling to the memory of my father, ride out the wave and suffer the pain that comes with it than completely shut everything out.
My father deserves to be remembered. He's worth every wave out there.
All my love,