Every winter break I rewatch Grey’s Anatomy from the beginning to the end. I know that’s huge commitment to go through all 13 seasons on Netflix, and then continue where you left off watching the new episodes on Thursday nights on ABC. I guess you could call me a huge fan. My mom is always like, “Everyone dies.” Well, who knew I needed this show more than anything at this point in my life.

George, Lexie, Mark and Derek’s death are for sure the hardest on the audience. Yet I didn’t know Maggie’s mom dying Dianne would cause me to sob and have an anxiety attack because I realized that’s been my life for the past year and a half, and now it’s more real than ever. My Mimi has cancer and watching her battle it head on is one of the hardest things I’ve had to watch. She’s always been so optimistic, but now we’re starting to get serious about the life she is living.

Watching the episode “Be Still, My Soul” was a reflection of my emotions towards my own Mimi’s fight with cancer. When Maggie said, “She’s gonna go and I’m not ready.” Those are words I’ve been saying in my head and to my boyfriend for weeks now. My Mimi is my best friend, my rock, and my biggest cheerleader in the audience during a show. Not having her there will be like a giant hole in my life.

Meredith Grey always says the right things when you need them the most. Relatable things that sometimes you can’t put your emotions into your own words. Yet this time it was advice, the advice I needed to hear.

In the same episode, she said, “Listen to her. Talk about whatever she wants to talk about and record her voice in your mind, and memorize everything. And just keep sitting there.”

Those were words I needed to hear. I know I need to cherish my time with my Mimi. Cancer doesn’t discriminate and it’s unfair and heart-wrenching.

In season 9, Meredith said, "They say death is hardest on the living. It’s tough to actually say goodbye. Sometimes it’s impossible. You never really stop feeling the loss. It’s what makes things so bittersweet. We leave little bits of ourselves behind, little reminders. A lifetime of memories, photos, trinkets. Things to remember us by even when we're gone." –Meredith Grey