This past Saturday marked the annual Kappa Delta Stoplight date function, one not unique to this sorority. Schools everywhere have been known to throw this typical stoplight party: a night filled with fun, friends, booze, and hookups.

The attire for this night might seem pretty simple: green means go, red means no, and yellow means I don’t know. But it’s not quite that easy. Unfortunately, college is a time where definitions in the real world aren’t quite as simple as the ones in the classroom. So despite the fact that you may think you’ve figured out who’s together, who’s single, and who’s just plain confused, you probably haven’t.

For those in green:

• Single and ready to mingle. These kids are probably just looking for a night of fun. In that case, no need to step on the brakes, go for it.
• Single and loving it. Believe it or not, there are some people who are single by choice. BY CHOICE! These people are probably not going to appreciate some creep coming up trying to grind on them, so hop off.
• The recent “divorcees”. Whether they were the dumper or the dumpee, these few can usually be found either by the bar taking shots, at the table munching on the free comfort food, or in the bathroom crying and/or vomming. For everyone’s sake, leave the poor souls alone.
• The “we’re hooking up, but neither of us wanted to have the conversation so we’re just not going to and wear green” couple. Need I explain further?

For those in red:

• The new couple. These are the kids that can be found hand in hand with stars in their eyes. The dilemma of what to wear to this date function most likely prompted the conversation to define the relationship therefore making this their first public appearance. Can’t wait to show off bae!
• The secret couple. You didn’t even know these two knew each other, let alone were dating. But by the looks of their outfits and with that dance floor makeout sesh, it’s hard to believe that they’re strangers.
• The perfect couple. We’ve all got those friends that have been together so long you’re not sure why they don’t just “put a ring on it” already. They can be seen talking, laughing, and casually holding hands. No need for PDA anymore, that’s child’s play.

For those in yellow:

• The confused couple. These are the two that were brave enough to have the talk about where they were in their relationship, but couldn’t exactly come to a conclusion. So “it’s complicated.” But isn’t everything?
• The “I don’t give a f*ck”. This person can probably be found cracking jokes, f*cking around, and generally not having a care in the world. Whether they are wearing yellow because it’s funny or just because they can, it doesn’t really matter. They don’t care.

So whether you’re wearing green, red, or yellow, keep in mind that not everyone has the same mindset as you do. Green doesn’t always mean go. Red usually means no. And yellow, well you never really know.

Just like there are people who slow down at a traffic light, there are those that speed through it. We’re not just cars in a traffic lane though, it’s a lot more complicated than that.

But the only advice I can give you for now is: Drive safe!