Dear Anxiety,
For years, you've been a close companion. You sat next to me in class and kept your hand on my shoulder as I presented posters and projects throughout high school. I never remember a time you weren't there. From midnight panic attacks over my algebra homework, to a seven-page final for my AP English class, you stayed with me. I used to ask, "Why me?" Why was I constantly plagued with the overwhelming feeling I was going to fail? I couldn't talk to people I'd grown up with, let alone strangers. I thought I would never let you go, and I'd have to learn to cope.
And then I went to college. I wanted to change myself and make life better. I no longer had a curfew, and I was in a completely new environment. But that first night, you reared your ugly head. You tormented me with thoughts that I would never make friends or fit in. You said I'd fail my classes and lose my scholarships and be forced into a low paying and unfulfilling job for the rest of my life. I wanted to go through sorority recruitment, and you stopped me, telling me I'd never fit in. Good thing fate had other ideas.
I passed all my classes with flying colors and even made a few friends. But I wasn't happy. Until one night, my friend Katie asked me a very important question. "Do you want to meet with some members of my sorority, and go through informal recruitment?" I was ecstatic, but she kept me level. There was no guarantee that I'd be extended an invitation, and meeting would only be to get to know me, and so I could ask questions that I had about the sorority.
I discovered I loved everything about this sorority, Sigma Sigma Sigma. The girls I met were kind, and made me feel welcome, even though I hadn't been extended an invitation. I got all my questions answered. I prayed that I would be asked to join. It was an agonizing two days, and Anxiety, you told me I wouldn't get in. But I did.
Since joining Tri-Sigma, I've made so many positive relationships. I was welcomed and every member was helpful and made sure I knew when important dates were coming up, when I needed to be on the floor, and just offered encouragement and support. I got an amazing Big and her family was more than welcoming. I couldn't believe how lucky I was. My anxiety slowly started leaving. Joining the sorority allowed me to talk to several new people and change myself, for the better. I've made so many friends and bonds that will never end. I get to be a part of something bigger, and have more opportunities to serve on my campus and in the community.
I still see you, Anxiety, but it's from a distance. You don't have a hold over me anymore, and I don't think you'll ever get the chance to again. You have no power over me, because that power is in myself, and is reinforced with the people I've been able to become a family with. So adios, you're no longer the storm cloud to my rainy day.
Love,
Ashley
