A Greater Plan

A Greater Plan

God's plan is better than our own.
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Spring semester of 2016, I began to take an interest in a fellow classmate. Over time, this crush became feelings, and I thought things were moving in a semi-positive way. However, I always had a gut feeling about another girl (we will name her Sam for this story) also having a crush on him. I like to think I am pretty observant of others, so I didn’t take this feeling too lightly. Eventually, I found out that she really did, and soon after that, they began dating.

One point in my corner for rejection.

This semester, I developed feelings for another male friend of mine. Things went a bit differently with this one though. While I liked the guy back in the spring, I knew deep down that we would never work as a couple. He was very introverted and we didn’t have much in common (by much, I mean nothing). However, I felt like this semester my feelings were true. Last year, they came suddenly. This year, it happened over a course of a few weeks. (Some of you are probably thinking that still isn’t a lot of time, but in college, it’s basically centuries). If you’ve read any of my other articles, you know how this story goes, so I will spare the details for now.

It has been two months since those feelings have come, and they’ve grown more with each passing day. The more I try pushing them down, the more they grow. It’s sort of like when you are a kid and your parents have you “garden” because it’s “fun”, but really they want you to pull out all of the weeds. Just when you think you are done and that you’ve taken care of business, you walk out of the house a week later to find them coming in even stronger. That’s how these feelings have been going so far. Fun stuff, huh?

Remember Sam? Well, I have had that same gut feeling about her liking this same guy all semester. I figured that I was just pretty paranoid in my thoughts and decided not to think too much into it. But guess what a few little birdies have told me this week? Oh yes, Demi was right. How funny. And guess what else? Everyone is rooting for them and “making it happen”.

Suddenly my world came crashing down a bit more.

It’s hard to find peace in these moments. It’s hard not to feel rejections hand pushing me deeper into a drowning pool. It’s hard to understand why for the second time, it’s more likely to be her than me.

I don’t know much, but here’s what I am trying to learn myself:

God loves me. God doesn’t want my heart shattered. He has a better plan for me. Sometimes, we have to go through heartbreak after heartbreak because we don’t learn the lesson the first time. While I have always responded positively for “Sam” and whatever guy, I have always had a bitter pit broiling inside of me. I have never handed God the situation and said “Here, you fix it.” Instead, I cry and pity myself and feel the rejection. I rant to friends about how unfair it is, and I just go into an endless spiral of despair for myself. None of this is God’s plan.

He wants me to break so that I can come to Him. He wants to mend my broken heart.

One of my favorite songs right now is Mended by Matthew West. This song gives me all the feels. I mean, the first line literally starts out with “how many times can one heart break?” Well, Matthew, quite a few times apparently. Of course, this is followed by two more powerful phrases: “When you see broken beyond repair, I see healing beyond belief” and” When you see wounded, I see mended”. Honestly, I could quote the entire song in this article- it is that good.

See, God doesn’t break me apart to keep me that way. There’s always another purpose, a greater meaning, a bigger plan. I will never understand these things if I am relying on my own heart. I can sit around and pity myself and fill my heart with bitterness over not getting my earthly desires. Or, I can be mended by God’s love. I can let Him have complete control of every situation. Honestly, I get scared of admitting that I may have been wrong about what my life should look like. I think I am smart enough to figure things out for myself. It makes sense that I would think I deserve the guy this time around over Sam.

I can tell you that the first time around, I didn’t give this situation to God at all. This time, I have tried to let go of my death grip on the situation and let Him have control, but at the end of the day, I still struggle. I have to remind myself every hour to stop putting myself in control. I can guarantee you that God doesn’t want me to be single forever. I am sure prince charming is out there. Who knows, he could already be in my life. Until I give the situation to God, fully and without holding onto that tiny string still, I probably won’t find him. I will continue to go through this situation until I learn the lesson God wants to teach me.

If you have experienced heartbreak after heartbreak, in any form or fashion, what is it that you are not learning from this situation? I can guarantee you that God is ready for you to take the passenger seat, to be quiet, to stop pulling the strings. It is time that we let Him have our full attention and control.

Cover Image Credit: Demi Agresta

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It's Time To Thank Your First Roommate

Not the horror story kind of roommate, but the one that was truly awesome.
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Nostalgic feelings have recently caused me to reflect back on my freshman year of college. No other year of my life has been filled with more ups and downs, and highs and lows, than freshman year. Throughout all of the madness, one factor remained constant: my roommate. It is time to thank her for everything. These are only a few of the many reasons to do so, and this goes for roommates everywhere.

You have been through all the college "firsts" together.

If you think about it, your roommate was there through all of your first college experiences. The first day of orientation, wishing you luck on the first days of classes, the first night out, etc. That is something that can never be changed. You will always look back and think, "I remember my first day of college with ____."

You were even each other's first real college friend.

You were even each other's first real college friend.

Months before move-in day, you were already planning out what freshman year would be like. Whether you previously knew each other, met on Facebook, or arranged to meet in person before making any decisions, you made your first real college friend during that process.

SEE ALSO: 18 Signs You're A Little Too Comfortable With Your Best Friends

The transition from high school to college is not easy, but somehow you made it out on the other side.

It is no secret that transitioning from high school to college is difficult. No matter how excited you were to get away from home, reality hit at some point. Although some people are better at adjusting than others, at the times when you were not, your roommate was there to listen. You helped each other out, and made it through together.

Late night talks were never more real.

Remember the first week when we stayed up talking until 2:00 a.m. every night? Late night talks will never be more real than they were freshman year. There was so much to plan for, figure out, and hope for. Your roommate talked, listened, laughed, and cried right there with you until one of you stopped responding because sleep took over.

You saw each other at your absolute lowest.

It was difficult being away from home. It hurt watching relationships end and losing touch with your hometown friends. It was stressful trying to get in the swing of college level classes. Despite all of the above, your roommate saw, listened, and strengthened you.

...but you also saw each other during your highest highs.

After seeing each other during the lows, seeing each other during the highs was such a great feeling. Getting involved on campus, making new friends, and succeeding in classes are only a few of the many ways you have watched each other grow.

There was so much time to bond before the stresses of college would later take over.

Freshman year was not "easy," but looking back on it, it was more manageable than you thought at the time. College only gets busier the more the years go on, which means less free time. Freshman year you went to lunch, dinner, the gym, class, events, and everything else possible together. You had the chance to be each other's go-to before it got tough.

No matter what, you always bounced back to being inseparable.

Phases of not talking or seeing each other because of business and stress would come and go. Even though you physically grew apart, you did not grow apart as friends. When one of you was in a funk, as soon as it was over, you bounced right back. You and your freshman roommate were inseparable.

The "remember that one time, freshman year..." stories never end.

Looking back on freshman year together is one of my favorite times. There are so many stories you have made, which at the time seemed so small, that bring the biggest laughs today. You will always have those stories to share together.

SEE ALSO: 15 Things You Say To Your Roommates Before Going Out

The unspoken rule that no matter how far apart you grow, you are always there for each other.

It is sad to look back and realize everything that has changed since your freshman year days. You started college with a clean slate, and all you really had was each other. Even though you went separate ways, there is an unspoken rule that you are still always there for each other.

Your old dorm room is now filled with two freshmen trying to make it through their first year. They will never know all the memories that you made in that room, and how it used to be your home. You can only hope that they will have the relationship you had together to reflect on in the years to come.


Cover Image Credit: Katie Ward

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Short Stories On Odyssey: Roses

What's worth more than red roses?

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Five years old and a bouquet of roses rested in her hands. The audience-- clapped away her performance, giving her a standing ovation. She's smiling then because everything made sense, her happiness as bright as the roses she held in her hands.

Fifteen now, and a pile of papers rested on her desk. The teachers all smiled when she walked down the aisle and gave them her presentation. She was content then but oh so stressed, but her parents happy she had an A as a grade, not red on her chest.

Eighteen now and a trail of tears followed her to the door. Partying, and doing some wild things, she just didn't know who she was. She's crying now, doesn't know anymore, slamming her fists into walls, pricking her fingers on roses' thorns.

Twenty-one and a bundle of bills were grasped in her hands. All the men-- clapped and roared as she sold her soul, to the pole, for a dance. She's frowning now because everything went wrong, but she has to stay strong, for rich green money, is worth more than red roses.

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