If you pause when someone asks you, where in New Jersey are you from, then there is a good chance you may be from Branchburg.
If the person claims to know New Jersey, your answer might be something like, have you ever heard of Branchburg? Then, though the person claimed to know New Jersey, will most likely respond with a no.
If the person claims to know a bit about New Jersey, you might say something like, have you heard of Bridgewater? Or Somerville? It’s right around there. If they still don’t know, you might take it as far as New Brunswick, or just leave it at Somerset County.
And then of course, there's the zero-Jersey-knowledge crowd, where you just say, uhhh…it’s in Central Jersey.
Because Branchburg hardly exists.
We are a tiny entity, with not even a high school to call our own. And of course without a high school you might as well not even be a town at all. But Branchburg is an adorable, lovely little town. And we have some great things.
We have a Quick Chek, for starters! (Why is this the first thing that I can think of?)
And okay, right around the corner from the Quick Chek is a strip mall with pretty much everything you could ever want: Chinese food, Bagels 4 U (which is ALWAYS prime), Working Class Art tattoo parlor (which, for a no-name town, produces incredible art) and Il Forno pizza. And then of course, we have our token Starbucks around the corner, along with Shop Rite, aka home away from home.
Then, on the other side of town, off 202, we have my other favorite strip mall with Eat N East Asian cuisine (GREAT sushi), Flemington Nails (where every Branchburg woman lives), Dunkin Donuts, and Trattoria Uno. (Is the Rita’s gone? I think it’s gone for some reason, but that Rita’s was also the spot.)
Then, we travel a little further down 202 and we have the one and only: Bagel Garden. You will never be disappointed at Bagel Garden, that’s all I can say about that. And there’s also Sundaes, which has moved around a few times but remains some consistent classic ice cream.
I’m also assuming all those places I just mentioned count as Branchburg, because no one really knows where Branchburg starts or ends. And then there’s that whole Neshanic Station nonsense which is really just silly. Can’t we all just be Branchburg, the great and powerful?
08876 unite.
And though we lack a high school, our middle school, Branchburg Central Middle School, is an incredible school. With great faculty, art and music programs, and sports, this middle school might as well be our high school because it’s boss.
And I’d be wrong not to mention our younger schools, which are also quite fantastic. Whiton Elementary, and Stony Brook, (R.I.P. Old York, you were great as well).
So we might have to recite an entire map to help people understand where exactly we grew up, but in the end, it’s worth it, because Branchburg is pretty okay. We rag on our little town from time to time, but it has some good stuff for sure.
