To the Grateful, Cheerful, Forgiving Child

To the Grateful, Cheerful, Forgiving Child

It is because of you, I am hopeful.
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Do you ever go back to that time? Do you ever contemplate the scenario over? Do you ever ask yourself why it had to happen to you? Do you ever look in the mirror and see that scar and wince at yourself? Do you ever blame yourself? Others? Do you ever just think about it?

To this day, I still remember like it was yesterday. To me, it was just one of those events that ingrain your memory; it was something that you cannot un-see, un-feel, nor un-experience. So many things were happening at the same time, it felt overly chaotic. It was more than a scared and inexperienced 17-year-old could handle alone.

To everyone else who knows not the situation, let me explain.

It was a nice day. My cousins were over and my mother was out running errands. I was in charge. Everyone was doing their own things, from watching television, playing video games or just sleeping. Except one of my cousins was on the floor, petting my dog, Maximus. My cousin calls me over, and I notice Max was chewing on his bone. So I grabbed his bone and was playfully teasing him to play.

That was when it happened. Max sat up a bit, turned over, and started to “attack” my cousin. He had my cousin by the face and would not let go. It took me a second to do anything, for I was in utter shock. I go over and try to pull Max off of my cousin. As I did that, my cousin went up with it. So I was screaming at Max to let my cousin go. When I finally got him off and into the laundry room. I heard my cousin hysterically call for me. I rushed over and I saw the wound and tried not to react to it. My cousin kept asking if it looked bad, if there was a lot of blood, if he had to go to the hospital.

It did. There was. He had to.

I called the appropriate numbers, and an ambulance came within minutes.

Back to the grateful, cheerful, forgiving child.

Trying to calm everyone down, including myself, at the same time was painful only because it was such a freak occurrence. It was something no one was used to, nor could predict. He was such a sweet boy, the sweetest could be. Just like you.

I am sorry you went through that. I am sorry I put you through that. I am sorry I was the cause of your trauma, fear and confusion. I am sorry for it all, that it ever happened. I am so very sorry.

It is a good thing you turned out all right. It is a good thing you have a good heart within you. You of all the people in that situation wanted to see him, again. You thought everyone deserved second chances. It is unfortunate that no one else thought the same way you did.

Now he is gone, and the home feels empty. You know Max did not mean what he did to you, and you wish he was still around. Knowing that you can forgive someone like that, and not be afraid of him, gives me hope that the younger generation has the same kind heart and strong mentality. If so, our future is in good hands.

Cover Image Credit: Pawn Rios

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I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.
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It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

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11 Amazing TV Shows That Are Ending in 2019

All good things must come to an end.

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It might just be the beginning of 2019 but there are many TV series wrapping up already. There are many breathtaking and original pilots around along with several reboots coming. This might be one of the greatest year for TV.

However, all good things must come to an end. Some series have been planned out and are going to be finished while others have been cut short. Sadly, here's a list of TV series to say goodbye to this year.

1. The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

Final Date: May

12 Seasons//279 episodes

2. Orange is the New Black (Netflix)

www.youtube.com

Final Date: End of 2019

7 seasons//91 episodes

3. Jane the Virgin (CW)

www.flickr.com

Final Date: Mid-late 2019

5 seasons//100 episodes

4. Games of Thrones (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: Summer

8 Seasons//73 episodes

5. Broad City (Comedy Central)

Comedy Central

Final Date: March

5 seasons//50 episodes

6. VEEP (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: Spring

7 seasons//67 episodes

7. Homeland (Showtime)

Showtime

Final date: Summer

8 seasons//96 episodes

8. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Netflix)

Final date: January 25

4 seasons//52 episodes

9. The Affair (Showtime)

Amazon

Final Date: End of 2019

5 seasons//42 episodes

10. Friends From College (Netflix)

Final Date: End of 2019

2 seasons//16 episodes

11. Crashing (HBO)

HBO

Final Date: End of 2019

3 seasons//24 episodes

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