For the past ~10 years, it has been forced into our brains that we have to pick what college we're going to go to and we have to pick a major and decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives.
Four years ago, we picked schools and maybe a major and decided what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives, but now we're leaving that place in five weeks and then what? I am not prepared to leave the safety net that is college.
I don't want to leave my friends who all live in different states and who all applied for jobs in different places doing different things with different schedules and I don't want to start my adult life.
At 22 years old, I have nothing figured out. Sure I have a major and I have an idea of what I want to do for the remainder of my life, but I'm not ready. I'm not ready to pay my student loans I'm not ready to apply to "real people" jobs, I'm just not ready to leave.
I have learned more about myself in the last four years and I'm not ready to stop learning, but in five weeks, I'll have to be ready. I may not be ready, and that's okay.
I've found my place and my people and my niche and all of these things combined have made me the happiest I have ever been in my entire life, so leaving all of these things for what could be forever is scary and invigorating, but mainly scary. I've grown comfortable in my own little world and thinking about leaving my own little world makes me wanna throw up.
For the past 10 years, we have been told that getting into a college is the most important thing, but no one really talks about what is going to happen after you graduate. 18 years of school and no one told you what to do when it's all over. In four weeks, it's going to all be over and I am not ready.
I believe that everything is going to be okay once I leave college, but that's only because I have to believe that, but truth be told, I don't know what I'm doing without school. There's no more back to school shopping, no more classes, no more homework, but what is life without all of those things? What does working with school look like? Do I go to grad school? Do I wait six months and THEN go to grad school? Everyone keeps asking, "what are you doing after graduation?" and honestly, I don't know.
Four years of college. You pick you major(s), you pick a minor if you want, you have an idea of what you can picture yourself doing as an adult, and you are an adult and in five more weeks you're going to truly be an adult with a college degree, but what does this all mean? What does being an adult mean, because I sure as shit don't want to be one.
Graduation is in four weeks and there is nothing I can do to prolong that (that isn't going to cost me thousands of dollars) so I should be ready, but I'm not. I know when I walk across that stage I will be ready, but until then I'm going to spend as much time with my friends and enjoy being a college student until I have to face reality and be ready to take on whatever the real world throws at me.
