The stigma that college consists of 25% work, 70% beer, and 5% "Dreams and Nightmares" by Meek Mill is not the entire truth. As mental health continues to decline on campus, the active rates for suicide and depression fight an uphill battle. Even the kids that live your typical college dream are struggling to find themselves and their place in this world. The external illusions that college kids have it easy, are often stamped on by adults who have never experienced or endured the wrath of college agony, and have no idea the internal fight these kids are dealing with.

Heading into the last half of the spring semester is tough for a lot of people. I recognize that I am not the only person on campus who is struggling to balance my schedule between work, meetings, and classes. To top it off, I don’t think any of my peers' campus experiences are limited to the classes that they take, but they are also involved in extracurricular activities far beyond your “average” experience. Far beyond people's ideas that college is easy.

I’ve recently had to cut a lot of responsibilities out of my life that I took on blindly. Things that I enjoy and love to do, but can’t uphold anymore because my courses and other clubs have become so demanding that even if I dedicated all of my time to these organizations and institutions I’m not sure I could stretch my minutes far enough. I’ve begun to realize that my mental health is more valuable than a stamp on my resumé that is more than likely not going to be the reason I get the job. The desire to be successful can sometimes fog your perception of what’s important, which is making sure that you are happy.

If you are struggling with yourself, it is okay. Here are some of my thoughts recently and the different strategies I used in order to fight back at them. I hope this helps.

Does this grade determine my future?

You’re not a college kid if you’ve never contemplated your entire existence and future after flunking an exam worth 40% of your final grade. Especially if you’re usually an A/B student, taking a hit like that is compatible to taking a line drive softball to the nose. The impact that it has is more than a silly letter grade stamped on the top of your paper, that class grade speaks volumes when you’re depending on your GPA that you worked really hard for to carry you to graduate school.

However, the reality is you’re going to be fine. For the first time in my collegiate career I failed a midterm that accounted for nearly 50% of my grade in that class. Like your typical college nerd, the pressure that I felt from that grade sat more than heavy on my shoulders but it took a horrible toll on my confidence in the political science field. If I could not pass this, how was I going to handle the content I would have to face in the future?

These negative thoughts took hold of my mental health and plunged for darkness, but luckily I caught myself before I became too consumed with my thoughts of failure and pessimism. I realized that yes, I take accountability for my bad grade, but it does not define me. In these moments of weakness and defeat, you have to remind yourself that flunking one assignment or exam is not going to determine the success of your future.

Am I really studying my passion?

College messes with more than your sleeping schedule. It messes with your mind, soul, body, and nearly every emotion you never thought you were capable of feeling. It is more than showing up 10 minutes late to your 8 a.m. class because it’s too cold outside and your bed is feeling too comfy for life to exist outside of it. In these moments you begin to ask yourself if what you’re doing with your life is paying off, and more importantly if what you’re studying is really what you’re passionate about.

Growing up we all reflect the idea that money is the root of happiness. We want to buy our parents the house they deserve to live in, the car they’ve always talked about, and we want to supply them with the dreams that they’ve always envisioned but sacrificed to make sure that we could chase our own. We work double shifts at dead-end jobs and drown ourselves in school to ensure that our futures won’t be any less than these expectations, but somewhere along the way we realize that these ideologies are nearly impossible to achieve because we are putting so much pressure on ourselves that we’ve lost sight of what is most important in life, which is our happiness.

I’ve realized that this concept that “money is the root of all happiness” is the biggest misconception and false consciousness of all. We will never be happy with our lives no matter how much money we make until we find ourselves content with who we are and what our daily lives consist of. It is more important to study something that fulfills your heart than it is to study something for the pure satisfaction of proving to people you’re capable.

Your life is not a game of what you can prove to other people who will never be satisfied with what you do anyways, it is more important to do the things that you love doing because life is too short to do anything otherwise.

How Can I Stop Myself From Thinking?

One of the things that I hate most about myself happens to be one of the things that I love most, which is that I tend to overthink and over criticize everything. Self-reflection is a good thing when you can recognize that you’ve made a mistake and correct yourself, but it can really break you apart if you aren’t careful. The worst thing is not being able to sleep at night because it feels impossible to shut your mind off.

I’ve struggled my entire life to tame my conscious and to control the way I think so I don’t end up digging a giant depressing hole for myself. Lately dealing with this difficult semester it has become harder, so my efforts have become stronger. I started listening to podcasts, peoples experiences in different professions and the stresses they face on a daily basis, and how they handle it. I’d sit in the library or the campus center at school with my headphones in and listen to optimistic podcasts about relaxing and breathing, or even how to manage stress so you can focus more effectively.

One specific podcast that caught my attention was about a lawyer who was talking about her experiences after graduating from Harvard Law, and how she was offered numerous fellowship opportunities with Appeal Courts and clerkships. Her efforts in law school and her experiences throughout had equipped her enough to take on these prestigious roles, but she still felt that although she accepted, she wasn’t deserving.

With every position she took on she succeeded, but in the back of her mind, she was worried that her employers would recognize that she had only gotten the job because of her networking skills and connections and that they’d realize she wasn’t as smart as they assumed. The point of this story is that she did work hard, and she did deserve every opportunity that came her way, but she failed to recognize it and she always made excuses for her success because she lacked confidence in herself.

I could relate to her experiences because I have always sold myself short of my peers and even my own accomplishments, I never thought that I was as smart as everyone else thinks I am. “You are so lucky” and “You are so smart” make my skin quiver. Although I recognize my opportunities, and I know how hard I work to make them happen, I still often fail to realize that I’m deserving of them. It just goes to show that although everything on the outside may seem perfect and put together, on the inside you never see the real emotions a person is dealing with.

The struggle to find myself and understand the real meaning of life and its importance is not going to be an easy journey or anything that happens overnight. In a way, I am happy that this semester has been so challenging because it has allowed me to recollect my thoughts and self-reflect in a way that I’ve never been pushed to do before. Mental health is something that needs to be prioritized and talked about, and in a society that views money as happiness, I think it is more important to strive to be content.