Every year people make New Year's resolutions. This year I’m not promising myself that I’ll stop eating chocolate, or go to the gym every day, I’m vowing to say goodbye to the toxic people who’ve been in my life.
It took me a while to figure out, but it’s all so clear now. People are put into your life by fate or destiny or whatever you want to believe in, yes. But you have the power to keep them. Time after time I justified behavior, I lowered myself so others could feel high, I gave chance after chance and for what? Certain people come into your life for certain reasons, I will believe that until the day I die, but you need to know when enough is enough. Ridding my life of these toxic people is the highest form of self-respect. I have opened my eyes to what I deserve, to how I deserve to be treated, and they did not meet my requirements. I will not be your sometimes, I will not be your maybe. It may be the hardest thing to do, grieve the loss of someone who is still alive, but if you’re strong enough you’ll get through it.
Some people, I swear enjoy watching the pain they emotionally inflict upon another. I won’t be the star of your performance any longer.
The hardest part is when a toxic person tries to re-enter your life. I promise, it will happen. Maybe not in a day, or a week, but at some point you’ll be happy and laughing when your phone will buzz. Their name will appear on your phone screen and you’ll most likely freak out five times before opening the message. Maybe they’ll be subtle with their hints, they’ll like some Instagram pictures, Snapchat you, maybe even start hanging out with your friends. Here’s the thing - don’t you dare fall for it. Toxic people have no positive impact on your life besides the strength inside of you that they create. These people are put in your life time and time again to prove your strength, and to prove the respect you have for yourself.
You do not need someone who calls you stupid. You do not need someone who only calls you when they get bored. You do not need someone who will kiss you and hug you, and then disappear until you are convenient for them. You do not need someone who does not check up on you, or makes zero effort to reach out.
Do not be fooled by the people who excuse their absence with a multitude of reasoning.
The most important thing to remember is if they wanted to, they would have. They would have called, they would have texted, they would have made an effort. If someone is not making an effort to be there and be apart of your life, hold the door open as you lead them out. You deserve more, you deserve consistency.
So here it is, the goodbye I’ve been building up the courage to say. Thank you for the lessons, thank you for the pain you’ve caused me. Do not try to come back, or apologize, because it has gone too far past “I’m sorry.” I do not hate you because hate would burden my heart and my mind.
