A year ago at this time I was nervously preparing to start my freshman year at SCAD. Id made my tentative major animation, but I knew in my heart I was going to officially declare as a film major. Movies were my greatest love and I believed that I was destined to make films, whether I be a director, editor, whatever. The first quarter of the year went swimmingly and I couldn't wait to start the second quarter because that meant my first real film class. This is where the story really begins.
My first film class (FILM 100: Intro to Film) was not hard. My professor was kind and knowledgeable, I learned a lot, but besides the two short films we had to make the workload was easy. Despite this I got nervous before every class. The nerves turned into full blown anxiety before I would film a short. When this class ended I excitedly, albeit not as much as excitedly as before, waited to start my next round of film classes the third quarter. A day before the quarter began I had a full blown breakdown brought on the idea of a career in the film industry which remained in place for the duration of the quarter. Half way through the quarter I switched my major to graphic design, pushing film to my minor. Now I'm looking onto my Sophomore year and I'm going to get rid of film completely. Film school and I were not meant for each other.
As I continued to weave my way through my second and last quarter as a film student I realized that I did not believe in film school. Quentin Tarantino's negative sentiments for studying film in school suddenly seemed to make sense to me. This was supported by the professors who would often encourage us to not show up to class so we could work on actual film sets in the area. Now I understand where these professors are coming from, but I'm not going to pay 50k a year to be taught by a professional grip not affiliated with my university. If I wanted to do that Id drop out of school and work on films. I get that this works for some students, which is wonderful for them, but I personally came to college to be in the classroom and learn at the school I am paying to attend.
I also felt strangely unproductive, but this was my own doing. I could've been working on senior film sets, but I had no passion for doing so and the anxiety that came with being on set wasn't worth it. My friends, mostly in the communication arts disciplines, were constantly creating something on a weekly basis, whereas I spent one quarter working on one film. I felt as if I was no longer creating the art I was meant to. I looked back on my digital art from high school and I saw that graphic design was a better route for me.
I was naive and I mistook my love for film as a love for filmmaking, which just doesnt exist in me. I am not built to work in that industry, I need a schedule, a structure to my life. I have so much respect for my peers in the film major and I wish them the best, I'll just be cheering them on from afar.
