I Had To Say Goodbye To The Man I Once Thought I Would Be With Forever

I Had To Say Goodbye To The Man I Once Thought I Would Be With Forever

I fell in love with someone I thought I was going to be with forever, and I wasn't ready for that to change.
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I remember when we first met. I remember how excited I was to go on a date with him. I was jumping up and down, screaming like an twelve year-old girl. When he picked me up I could tell that he was shy, but a gentleman, and he was the most handsome man I had ever met. I knew right away that God had a plan for the two of us.

When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I got butterflies in my stomach and they never really went away. He made me so happy, and his smile gave me goosebumps. I could talk to him about anything, and he always had a way of making me feel better. We would talk on the phone for hours about the most random things. He was, and still is, my first true love.

Like all couples, we had lots of fights and some where probably unnecessary. We always worked through them, but I think eventually we both became unsure of what we really wanted. We where no longer the people we where at the beginning. We broke up for a week, then got back together. We tried to work through our differences, but we realized that we where just prolonging the inevitable. A few days ago, we said goodbye to each other for the last time and it was one of the hardest things I have had to do. Im scared of a future without him in it, and I don't really know where to go from here. I will miss the way he looked, and i mean really looked at me like I was the most beautiful person on the planet. I will mis the way he would try to mimic my voice, Ill miss the way he made me laugh. I wold do anything to see him again, and sometimes I wish I could undo all of the arguments and start over. I will always be thankful for what we had, and I will never regret our relationship. I will always have a place for him in my heart. He helped me get out of my comfort zone and try new things. He turned my life around, and made me want to be a better person.

I know everyone goes through this, and It sucks. I also know that God put people in our lives to challenge us. He knows that saying goodbye is hard, but its what we have to do to move forward. God put someone on this planet for each of us, and the people we meet along the way are supposed to help us find that special person. I know that someday we will find the right people, but its hard knowing that we arent right together.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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Poetry On The Odyssey: It's a Girl

An ode to the little girl raised to be insecure.

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They raise little girls to be insecure

Little girls grow to be big girls

People always ask big girls why they're so insecure

Big girls aren't quite sure

Day after day the big girl can't keep up

She's exhausted

Her soul feels worn

The big girl learns to grow hard

In a way, she's a bit stronger

People call her a bitch

Bitch

What is that?

How can she let that affect her

It's simply the only way to be her

She mourns that little girl

Hoping that one day

She'll be strong


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