I’m really bad at saying goodbye. Worse than anyone I know; worse than whatever you’re imagining. Even if I’m excited about where I’m going or whatever change is coming my way, if the change is longer than a week then I'm a mess. Inevitably, I cry. Occasionally I manage to hold it together until I’m on my own, even more rarely I cry the night before and I’m in the clear, but usually the tears come while I’m surrounded by people, typically while saying goodbye

Part of the problem is that I cry at everything. This is excessively irritating for lots of other reasons, but that’s a story for another day. For me, all of the big emotions bring tears: sadness, fear, frustration, happiness, surprise. But by far, missing people is the worst. It combines sadness, nostalgia, and all of the happy memories I’m scared I won’t be able to make more of.

There’s other factors that don’t make it any easier. I grew up as a particularly independent child, and while I still dearly love my family I don't necessarily rely on them for many things. In contrast, I have a tendency to get a bit too attached to my friends; I adore them and spend practically all of my time with them. I wouldn't say that I'm dependent on them, but it's always particularly rough to have to say goodbye to friends, especially the ones I live with nine months out of the year.

A particularly notable example comes from when I was a part of a short summer camp and turned into a blubbering mess at the end. For three years, I would go to Wisconsin for a week, know almost no one there, and by the end of the week I couldn’t bear the idea of saying goodbye to the friends I had grown to love deeply. We always had a beautiful closing ceremony, full of an overwhelming sense of connection and community that I’m lucky to still carry with me, but in the moment it felt unbearably bittersweet, and so I never failed to spend the entire service with tears running down my face.

Even now, when I’m leaving Claremont at the end of the semester, or Kansas City at the beginning of it, I get the same bittersweet feeling rising through my body and spilling out of my eyes. It’s only made worse by the fact that I’m always leaving people I adore, no matter where I’m going. And of course, during finals week, it’s hard to find time to say goodbye everyone, wading through busy schedules and test stress to grab one last meal or even just a hug on their way to the airport.

I’ll never regret traveling far from home to get my education; Pomona is the perfect fit for me and I’m forever grateful for the opportunity to explore such a different place with so many more people than I otherwise would have met. But a part of me can’t help but wish that I could somehow put everyone I love in one place, and not have to be constantly missing one set of people or another. On the other hand, there’s a value to having people you love in all corners of the country; it’s like there’s a little piece of home to be found anywhere you want to go. Knowing me, I'll probably cry when I get there.