To the Best friend I have to say goodbye to again

To the Best friend I have to say goodbye to again

It never gets easier leaving you.

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When I first met you, I didn't realize the impact you would have on my life. You were the "bitch with nice hair," and I was the "one blonde new girl". From being coworkers to road trip besties, cornhole partners, family event tag-alongs, secret confidants, and most importantly - best friends; it never gets easier saying goodbye.

When I first lived without you more than fifteen minutes away, it was such a hard transition. You sent me off with a farewell post on social media that left me crying in my dorm on move-in day. You talked about whoever becomes my new best friend and what you hope she knows for me and about me. It said some of my favorite things and things I couldn't stand. You had hopes for someone that could treat me half as good as you do. Even though I did meet one of my best friends being away from you, it didn't make me forget about each time I missed you. There are times I wanted it to be you that was there when I cried, when I laughed, or even when I just slept all day.

Being away from you didn't mean you weren't around. I'll always remember one time when I was having such an awful night, and you talked me through everything on the phone, and when I looked down, I had a receipt emailed to me from Dominos. I mentioned that I hadn't eaten, so you sent me a pizza. At midnight. In a different city. It was so simple, but it meant the world to me. I think that sums up most of our friendship.

I would come back home most weekends to work, and you still always made time to see me. Even when I didn't come home from school, you made the journey to visit. You went to parties with me, danced with me, slept in the awful dorm beds with me, and we found another little diner to help cure our hangovers in a new city - just like we would back home.

I know you're the more caring, sweeter, more sympathetic friend, and I'm kind of an asshole, but I appreciate you more every day. From days we don't speak to you living at my house for weeks at a time, you're my best friend. I appreciate everything you do for me, and everything you say to me when I need it. Any time you need a late-night drive or a Charlie St. Cloud movie night (Yes, I actually might watch it for once), or someone to sing Bed Rock with, I'll be here.

All you ever have to do is call, and I'm there. Always. I leave you again in five weeks, and the transition to seeing you less again is going to hurt like it did the first time. I don't think saying goodbye to you will ever get easier, but as long as it's not permanent I know we will be okay.

I know Aero didn't prepare us for this, but I'm so grateful it pushed us here. I love you, MG.

-MB

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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College Can Be Difficult, But Trust Yourself, Girl

Life can throw you curveballs sometimes, and times can get tough, but it is SO important to pick yourself up and trust that you can do anything.

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I'll be honest, this school year was one of the hardest years of my life. There were lots of moments throughout the year that I just wanted to go home and get away from it all. I had to be reminded that I have been raised to try as hard as you possibly can, and I was doing that. It took some determination and time, but I didn't give up.

No matter how bad I felt, I stayed and persevered.

Now that I am home for the summer, I have been reminiscing on the past two semesters of school. At the beginning of the school year, I had a much different idea of how it would go. It was going to be "my year," but somehow while the year was going on, I felt that I had been completely wrong. It's easy to come to quick conclusions when life doesn't exactly go your way. Conclusions like "this year has been the worst year ever" and "I can never get a break" were often popping up in my head. My grades weren't where I wanted them, and I was surprised by a lot of occurrences that I never expected to happen (imagine a wild ride). I found out who my true friends are and who I could rely on, and luckily, my circle only grew. Being extremely extroverted, it was hard for me to get out and just do something. Being in this "rut" took a toll on me. I had to make those hard decisions about doing what was best for me in the long run instead of doing something just for the moment. Trust me when I say, this was NOT easy at all.

Through all the tears and change all around me, I decided to proceed to the finish line because I am NOT a quitter.

I decided that it was time for me to allow myself to fully, undeniably be me. I wanted to start doing the little things I enjoy again like working out, taking pictures, and simply just going out to do anything. I started forcing myself to take any opportunity that came my way, and it helped. One of the things that brought me so much joy was kickboxing – talk about therapeutic, people! Kickboxing at least three times a week helped my mood shift so much, and it was a start to seeing me again. I am so blessed with friends who would come over at, literally, any time of the day. Spending time with them helped me more than they could ever know. We did anything from just hanging out in my living room to splurging on a fun dinner. Through everything that I was doing daily, I was learning how to rely on myself. Looking back now, I have never really had to know what it felt like to rely mainly on myself. I did get so much help from my family and friends, but what good could their help do if I didn't want to help myself first?

Even though I felt like this was one of the worst years of my life, it taught me so much more than I ever expected. Looking back now, I grew so, so much. I learned how to smile when times get tough. I learned that it really is okay to not be okay sometimes, and it will be okay eventually. I learned that it's okay to ask for help because we weren't made to do life alone. Most importantly, I learned how to trust myself. My hope for anyone reading this, you will learn from my experience that the worst seasons get better. I am in such a good place right now because I never gave up, and I will continue to never give up. In a short amount of time, I am seeing how far I have come and how much I grew.

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