I think it's safe to say that we all have that one friend in our group who we can trust with our darkest secrets, our toughest problems, and our saddest moments. It's probably the more down-to-earth peacemaker of the group, the introvert who is perfectly content sitting back and listing to the chatter of the group. I was that friend to many people over the years, and I think it's important for us to realize that there are thousands of people out there that are that person to their friends.
First off, don't think that I want you to go searching for your friends and straight up ask them if they're depressed. And don't think for a second that you are the reason they could be. That isn't what I'm getting at here. My belief is that being a good listener causes depression because those who listen in this way are usually the type of people who find it hard to talk themselves. As I said earlier, these are introverts, people who have the capacity to be great listeners, but not so great at opening up. I think it's because they're wired a bit differently.
This puts them at risk of taking in more than they can handle without having an outlet. People like us are outlets for our friends, and that is a good, healthy thing for their body and mind. However, when we take in too much of someone else's baggage, it weighs on us because we already have our own baggage to carry. It's also hard to say no to a friend when they need someone to talk too, but know that you're not a bad friend if you do. Your mental health is important too, and you can't help your friends if you can't help yourself.
Also, friends: your secrets, problems and any other talks you have are always safe with your good listeners. Believe me, they take it very seriously. So you don't have to end the conversation with "don't tell anyone." However, with that being said, remember what this article is about. Depression is serious, and I'm sure you are not the only person who's secrets your friend is keeping. Coming from my own experience now, I have kept many secrets and lent an ear to the problems of many friends and even strangers. That weighed me down to what I thought was a breaking point.
So yes, your friend might tell someone what you told them, but I guarantee you that who they tell will have absolutely no connection to you whatsoever. I can also almost guarantee that it will only come out when they have reached their own breaking point. It's not necessarily good that they've held it in so long, but don't be upset that they found someone to be their outlet.
Listeners: It's okay to say NO every once in a while, your friends will understand. Find someone that you can vent to, and don't hold so much of it in anymore. Just because you are a great listener doesn't mean you can't find your own voice. You might find that it balances things out when you both take turns talking and listening, so not all of the weight ends up on you. Lastly, (friends and listeners alike) NEVER be afraid to get help if you do find yourself closing off.
