As the day gets closer, the harder it seems to get...

Never in a million years did I think I would wake up one day go about my day, go to class take my test then get a phone call that would flip my life upside down. The call no little sister wants to get! I have nightmares of this phone call everyday… my mom called me hysterically crying and screaming "he's gone he's gone" I said mom you need to breath I don't know who you are talking about…she said "your brother" I was sitting in the financial aid office on campus figuring out paperwork and I just lost it. I had to leave the office so fast…there was another girl in the office as well with me, she made me stop for a second to get myself together and told me to drive safe she didn't know what was going on but she wanted me to be safe.

Okay, so let's fast forward a little bit…months had passed now and, I still had so many unanswered questions.

Questions I will never know the answers to.. Questions such as why, why you, why now, what did you do to deserve this?

I also often ask myself how do these people live with themselves knowing what they did was wrong.

I will never fully be back to myself..nothing will ever be the same again. A huge piece of me is no longer with us and that kills me every single day, my biggest supporter of dumb choices, there is no one that can compare to you!

No one else supports my dumb choices like you did!

We are two days away from the one year of you passing away mark and it has not gotten any easier I can tell you that. There have been so many days I have just wanted to pick the phone up and call you. I wanted to call you when I hit my weight loss goals twice already but I couldn't I know that if you were still with us today you would be so very proud of me for sticking with it. I have only stuck with it because I promised you that I would the last time we talked. Times with this have not been easy at all, and times got hard, but I made a promise and I am sticking to it!

I love and miss you so much…there is not a single day I don't think about you! You were one of my biggest supporters, and I know you are looking down on me so proud! I am going to continue to make you proud from up above!

Sincerely,

A Very Sad Sister