I will admit, sometimes I find following God to be pretty daunting. I never really know what His next move is, and sometimes, I feel like I am not adequate enough to follow Him. It's pretty scary being in a relationship thinking you are not good enough for your significant other, am I right? I think in a lot of ways, I feel the same when thinking about my relationship with God. That fear of "never measuring up" has really affected how I look at myself and how I look at my God. It drives a wedge in between what could be really beautiful. And it's all based off of insecurity and doubt. I'm scared of being vulnerable, and then failing.
But in real relationships, there is a continual sense of vulnerability. If you don't invest nearly everything you are into a relationship, it's going to be mediocre. Which, for some people, is fine. They can go through life accepting mediocrity from themselves and from others. But God asks more from us. He asks us to surrender ourselves. He asks us to give up human nature. Our natural ability to sin and not think anything of it. He asks us to give away what we love, and what we cherish. More importantly, He asks us to give up doubt. Because the more you doubt yourself, the more you are doubting your God.
I'm sure you're thinking "Easier said than done," and of course, I would wholeheartedly agree with you. I struggle with this so much. From a young age, I have always been plagued with self-doubt. I was that kid in elementary gym class that would get anxiety stepping up to the plate during kickball. My voice would shake violently if I had to speak in front of my peers. Solely for the fear of failure.
The truth about self-doubt is that it inhibits what we are capable of. This, in return, limits how capable we think God is. As much as I hate to admit that, it's true. I have so much self doubt, I don't think God can use what I have to offer. Yes, I'm sure you have heard this before. "With God all things are possible." or "Faith makes everything possible." But how many of us really go through with this mind set our whole life?
It is pivotal to learn how to let go of self doubt in order to tap into God's full potential for us. You have to take that leap of faith that you might think is illogical. You might have to do something that isn't practical, or the job that isn't going to make you money. If that's where God is leading you, you have to take it.
That isn't to say that you aren't going to fail. It's going to be messy. That's just what life is. It's comparable to a 1,000 piece puzzle that you just can't figure out, but once you find those few pieces that fit together, everything falls into place. You will start to understand the most irrelevant and difficult pieces, and how they play into your life puzzle.
And God will always be the most important piece of that puzzle.
God will prevail. His plan for your life is always going to prevail. It is much easier to surrender and give that Him, than to fight back with logic and reasoning. Frankly, God defies logic and reasoning. He isn't mediocre, and if your life feels mediocre, it's because you aren't surrendering to everything God has for you.
"The man or woman who is wholly and joyously surrendered to Christ can't make a wrong choice, any choice will be the right one." -A.W. Tozer