I officially became a Christian on April 27th, 2015 when I understood that, although Jesus already took away individuals’ sins, Christians avoid sinning because Jesus sacrificed himself for everyone. My best friend introduced me to the religion during our freshman year at Endicott College; I had always been curious about Christianity, for my values align with the Christian faith. I have not yet been baptized, for I have had pastors try to pressure me into it; I would like to be baptized when I am sure that I am completely ready and have fully committed to God.
I was told that the first year of being a Christian would be the hardest, and it is true. It seemed easier to believe in God when I wasn’t trying so hard to believe in Him. It is effortless for me to put my heart into everything I do because of God, yet it has been difficult for me to put my heart entirely into letting go of worry and trusting God. I need to trust God with my life; He made me into the person that I am, so I need to trust my own decisions. I have put my whole heart in places and people that have let me down and have not returned the same amount of love that I have given. God will return my love and much more, but I have not allowed myself to trust Him and give in to Him.
Reading the bible and attending church every Sunday will not get me where I want to go. My whole heart must be in it; 100 percent of effort must be given. I am capable of loving God the way that I love my family or friends, but I can sense that I have not done so yet. Going through the motions and being a “good girl” by following the rules is not good enough. The issue lies in the fact that I already was a good girl and a rule-follower before I became a Christian, and it was my choice to be that way. Now, I am unsure whether to be who I am for myself or for God, but I am sure that God needs all of me, and I am ready to let Him in. I will need to make choices, go to church, read the bible, and wear a cross around my neck specifically for God, instead of fitting the perfect image of a “good girl,” instead of making myself appear to be pure.
Being Christian is not an accessory; it is a way of life. Someone told me that he thinks of God first before every decision that he makes. I wish that I could be more like that; I wish that I would think of God before all else: before my family, before my friends, and before myself. As God knows that I do best, the next move that I must make is to try my hardest. I know that I can do this for God. I may make mistakes along the way, but God knows that I am trying, and He will forgive me. For now, I will wear the cross around my neck, not as an accessory or to fit an image, but as a reminder to entirely give my heart and commitment to the religion I chose.
