2016 has by far been the toughest year of my life. What began as a year with good intentions, ended as a year of regret, remorse and even a little unnecessary attitude.

My regret came from not achieving all of the goals I wanted to. For example, I wanted to lose weight before the summer, but that never happened. I also found myself in situations in which I could have made more of an effort or could have helped a few more people, but my self-doubt ate at me and I talked myself out of those situations. I found that I was doing more harm than good, that I was spending more time reflecting and telling myself “Well, I could have done this/that…” and making myself feel so bad about not stepping up in the first place.

This is when my remorse would kick in—the times when I would sit in my room feeling like I wasn’t achieving anything or that I wasn’t doing anything worthwhile in my life. I have purposely made myself feel bad about going to school, about not living on my own, about not accomplishing more when I was in high school and even not pushing myself to do more while I proceed into my final year of college.

And this is where the attitude came in, all because I was mad at myself, but trying to be mad at others because I felt that they should be helping me. I was getting upset at the fact that I was making myself feel alone, that I felt like no one really cared whether I was doing anything worthwhile. I felt like I wasn’t supported or that I wasn’t writing enough as an English major. I also felt that as a college student, I wasn’t participating enough in college student behaviors, like more extracurricular activities or even going out to the bars and parties. I turned my year into a year in which I wasn’t being good enough for my age, my purpose or even the life I was living.

This is what leads me to here, to the New Year, where I am hoping to be less unforgiving of myself and to be a little more carefree. I want to be less worried about the outcome of my choices. I feel like I have been living too cautiously, with my writing, with not motivating myself, with not getting out there more. My self-doubt has made me turn internally this year, and I feel like I am becoming less outspoken than I was before. I want that to change. I am tired of being the bystander.

This year, I want to make moves at being more positive. I want to focus on achieving what I want in life, and I want to make sure I am doing all I can for others, but also balancing time for me. I want to stop sitting, being passive and regretful.