Last week I had a massive craving for those deliciously toasted, garlic-coated Olive Garden breadsticks. I mean we all get those cravings, right? My problem was my fiancé had to work that night so I was alone at the house, my girlfriends are scarce after a recent multi-state move, and honestly I really just wanted some time by myself. It took me over an hour to build up the courage to go eat by myself. On the way out, I even joked with one of my roommates, "I'm going to go be a loser and eat by myself."
When I pulled up to the restaurant, I was greeted by amazing smells, sightings of the beloved breadsticks, and endless judgmental "looks." When I approached the hostess, she asked, "How many more will be in your party?" Just one, me. I found myself trying to make up some story to make it seem like I had a better reason to be eating by myself than the fact that I just didn't have someone to go with. As she lead me to my table, I felt extremely awkward and out of place. My waitress greeted me by asking when my other party members would arrive. She almost brushed me off as a customer, doing nothing more than handing me my food and walking away. A group of older women continuously would look over at me with pity. Why? I was more than content scarfing down my food! I actually felt so judged I wanted to cry. Which brings me to my point -- why is treating myself to a dinner so negatively treated?
What is wrong with wanting to have time for yourself to enjoy something as simple as a meal? Why, just like everything else in this world, does something so ordinary cause so much judgment? I won't say I haven't been guilty before because I definitely have. If I'm eating at a restaurant and look over and see a older gentleman sitting by himself my immediate thought is, "Oh, that's so sad, he looks so lonely!" But what if he just had a long day at work and wanted the peace of a meal without having to converse with someone? A more upsetting example -- what if his wife recently passed away and that was their favorite restaurant and he goes every month to give him a smile and a relapse of good memories?
As always I think we are too quick to judge, we are too worried with our self image, and we make this world much more bitter than it has to be. Towards the end of my meal, I stopped my waitress and asked her how her day was going and reached out to talk with her. She was more than polite and laughed when I said I felt like everyone in the restaurant was glaring at me for eating by myself. I explained my fiancé would be leaving for deployment soon and I won't have my date partner for six months so I should get used to solo meals.
Those solo meals I may come to treasure. It was wonderful to treat myself to a delicious meal, but even better, I had time to enjoy myself. I think everyone should take the time to do something by themselves once in a while! Go watch a chick flick by yourself and cry in the back of the theater, take yourself to your favorite meal, or just go enjoy a walk around the park with just your thoughts to accompany you. Life is too short to judge everyone for everything they do or be concerned with who all is judging you.
