A couple of weeks ago I began a series of articles called Glimpse Of The Future where I pick a certain facet of daily living and predict how it will change in the next 10 years. My first installment in February was on what dating will look like in 2027. This week I’ve decided to delve into an equally nuanced fabric of society: bullying. This encompasses everyone from the kid that used to throw your paper airplanes away in 2nd grade to your boss that only allows 90 second bathroom breaks. In my heyday, bullies would normally follow suit with their stereotypes. They were bigger, stronger and had this overbearing presence. In the coming years, I believe this archetype will vanish completely.
With the exponential growth of tech industries since the turn of the millennia, I believe bullies in the 2027 will not only look much different than the ones today, but will behave in an entirely different manner. 2027 bullies won't be these large intimidating figures. They'll be brainy computer wizards that use their wit to inflict optimal damage on your life. Through their resources and pure cunning, bullies will have a multitude of ways to channel that aggression. The following are the three primary methods that bullies will use to impose their will on you and make your life a living hell.
1. 3-D Printing
This has the potential to change the bullying industry completely on its head. In 2027, bullies will be able to 3-D print noogies and email them to you at random times of the day. They will be able to 3-D print piñatas of you, stuff em with 3-D printed pudding and smash it outside of your house with a 3-D printed aluminum bat. Bullies will be able to 3-D print entire cities whose sole function is to trash you. The city will have a 3-D printed statue of you in the town square wearing a dunce cap and mismatched socks. So embarrassing. All the drink names in the cafes will be slight jabs at your character. All of the sidewalks in the city will be plastered with pictures of your face to remind you that you are worthless scum to be stepped on around the clock.
2. Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying will put a definitive end to the popular “sticks and stones” euphemism. In 2027, the damage that cyberbullies will be able to inflict with technology will be far worse than any physical beat down. As the world becomes more digitized and web-centric, cyberbullies will have the drive and know how to make your life a living hell in all facets. Back in the late 90s and early 2000s when I grew up, all of my bullies were tolerable since I was only in direct contact with them for about 15 minutes a day Monday-Friday. In 10 years, cyberbullies will be able to directly affect your life every second of every day.
Listening to an intense pump up song during a workout? Cyberbullies will hijack your phone and throw on a podcast about gardening.
Getting ice cubes from your smart fridge? Cyberbullies have control of that too and you get shredded ice instead. Wanna wear a super cute outfit for your hot date? Cyberbullies will tamper with the settings on your E-closet and only allow access to your pajamas. You’ll have to pay the bouncer 50 bitcoin to let you in the club wearing Donald Duck sweatpants.
Wanna make dinner in the oven? Cyberbullies will see your preheat to 350, and raise it to 700 nearly causing you to burn the house down every time you want to make a dang pot pie. Wanna pop in some chocolate chip Eggos for a quick breakfast? You can’t anymore because cyberbullies will have calibrated your toaster in a way that makes the waffles pop up at 200 mph, putting holes in your roof. Wanna shower after a long day at work? You can’t because cyberbullies will switch up the shower water line with your soda fountain line, FORCING YOU TO SHOWER IN MOUNTAIN DEW. Bedbugs will catch a whiff of all that sugar and swarm you in your sleep. The future sucks.
3. Drones
If you’ve been keeping up with the latest in tech news, you know that drones are on pace to be an absolute game changer in the business world. Amazon has already began testing them in the UK. If drones are poised to make a huge splash in the world economy, they’ll be ASTRONOMICAL for bullies in 2027. In 10 years, cyberbullies will have drones whose sole function is to make the mundane tasks throughout your day-impossible to perform.
Cyberbullies will have drones with a mic attached to it where they roast you as you walk down the street. Studying at the library? A drone will come over to you and squirt your face with a travel sized water gun EVERY 90 seconds.
Trying to unwind after a long day and watch TV? A drone will fly around the TV and repeat every line of dialogue a character says throughout the episode.
Trying to go out and meet some people at the bars? A drone will fly over to the girl you’re making eyes with and show her a screenshot of the worst sequence of google searches you've ever made.
Trying to get some late night shut eye? A drone will come through your window and play La Bamba at the perfect volume where it won't wake the neighbors but will make you wanna stuff your head in a cheese grater.
In 10 years I hope I’m around professional, mature adults who would never stoop to this level of pettiness. For all the young bullies out there reading this, I'd strongly urge you to get out of the game while you can. Heavy drug users advise kids not to do drugs since it's bad for you, and will eventually consume you. I recommend quitting bullying because it can eat you alive in the same way. Drugs are bad. Bullying is power. Power is a drug and there’s more to life than power, but not much more.
