It’s hard to know who to trust in life, and it’s even harder when you’re constantly worried about getting hurt. One way to begin a positive feedback loop in this area of your life is to give others the benefit of the doubt. If you look it up, giving someone the benefit of the doubt has a lot of different definitions – the one that works best for our purposes is the one that says: giving someone the benefit of the doubt means "to believe something good about someone, rather than something bad, when you have the possibility of doing either.”
Every single person on this Earth has to make decisions – some of these decisions are good, and others are not. When we watch the news, we see lots of sad and terrible things that some people do – so sometimes it is hard to remember that most of the people in this world are good. It’s like mean world syndrome, but I think it can still be remedied!
For starters, I can make the conscious choice to believe that there is good in this world. I like to think that everyone on this planet starts out as a good person. Now don’t get me wrong - I’m not saying to trust people blindly, but rather when you meet a new person try doing what I do; assume they are a good person until proven otherwise. Yes, there are some bad people out there – but it is important to remember that they are not the majority! I guarantee that there are more people that want to live a long, happy, meaningful life just like you.
Trusting people and being optimistic about humanity generally doesn’t come easy. But, if you really think about it, we already trust a lot of people inherently! Whether it is driving down the freeway, walking in the park, or just living your life – you don’t constantly think that something terrible will happen.
For example, when you’re driving on the road you don’t really think about how much power every single person holds – we are literally behind the wheel of these huge clunkers, but most of us choose to follow the rules and drive with the traffic and not put others in jeopardy. Everyone is just trying to get somewhere! So, while there may be horrific things that do happen in this world, it is important to realize that spending too much time thinking about those things isn’t going help you live the life you have right now. The most you can do with your life right now is be grateful and make it amazing – for you and others.
Trying to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and gaining an additional perspective could have more of an impact than you think. Driving down that road, while you may not be thinking about it, you don’t know what is going on in the lives of the people driving every other car. Everyone is going through their own stuff, and we all need to practice empathy and overcome personal biases.
Just recently I learned about the psychological term “fundamental attribution error” – this is our tendency to explain someone’s behavior based on internal factors, such as personality or disposition, and at the same time underestimate the influence of external factors such as situational influences on that person’s behavior.
So basically, when something happens, try thinking about everything that could have possibly come into play – especially when you don’t know a person. You never know what a person is going through – that person that just honked at you, or the person you just honked at, could be having the worst day of their life. So smile, wave that car into your merging lane, and try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Another up-side to giving others a chance is that if you’re a kind person, then there’s bound to be other kind people out there too. If you accept people, people will probably accept you. But, if not for any other reason, give people the benefit of the doubt because it’s kind, it's easier, and it's a real way we can learn about one another – plus it hurts much less than being closed off and cynical about the world.
So make someone’s day, be a good person, and you will see the good in others. And, for the people that have already showed you that they aren’t good, that is fine too – but you can still try to understand where they are coming from, and still be kind. Bad experiences turn us away from some people, and not everyone is going to like everyone, but it is important be sure to judge things yourself and try not to form opinions through others.
We can squash bias if we actively do so – just try to give people a chance, to see things how they see them even if it is just for a second. The importance of trying to really understand others rather than labeling them (as someone you don’t like or a bad person in general) is key to giving others the benefit of the doubt. Just think about it - wouldn't the world be just a little bit better if we gave everyone the benefit of the doubt?
