Giving Ourselves Permission

Giving Ourselves Permission

As adults, we no longer need to get our permission slips signed by someone else.


There are seasons we trudge through where we often mistake permission for acceptance; where we misplace the authority that we ourselves have had all along. We misplace our ability to grant ourselves the permission we seek and the reprieve we desire.

There are days when I wish that I could leave myself (the inner, nagging roommate in my head) at home while I float out the door and into the day surrounded by light and wrapped in golden warmth with a glowing grin on my face. There are days when I wish I could separate the dark clouds in my mind that cover that light so that I can get out of my own way and find joy in the mundanities of a Tuesday morning. Find joy in the way the bubbles from a sponge become effortlessly suspended in air while you wash out the remainder of some cold coffee left in a forgotten mug. Find joy in the incredible murmuration of a flock of birds soaring through a bright blue sky.

These days of wishing I could leave myself at home are the days when I am fruitlessly seeking out permission from an external source to tell me that it's okay to enjoy the moment. Or to tell me that sabotaging a perfectly beautiful Tuesday is no way to live through a Tuesday at all.

"Cognitive dissonance" is a term that has been imprinted into the cemented structure of my mind as accidentally and randomly as the pawprint in between the two blocks of concrete outside on street in front of the coffee shop. Both accidental, yet both now integral to the structure itself.

"Cognitive dissonance" is a term that gives a voice -an explanation- to the discomfort that we all at some point experience. We become frustrated with ourselves when we can't seem to will our way into enjoying a moment when we know that we should be exploding with gratitude. It's a matter of holding contradictory thoughts and not understanding which is yours and which is just the plus one to your bad mood party.

Although the drive to find joy is always inevitably more appealing in any situation, there is a piece of me that becomes curious about the negative, nagging roommate in my head. I wonder why she's there, what she wants and how I can evict her with little to no rebuttal.

These are the days when we think a situation might be "too good to be true" so we build a fortress around ourselves and don't bother creating any sort of drawbridge to connect us to whatever lies on the other side of the alligator-filled moat.

I think it's perfectly human the way we try to protect the awareness within us; the way we become scared to let ourselves get too happy because as science has taught us, whatever goes up, must come down.

We look for permission to believe in a world where whatever goes up, can keep going up and can multiply and fly and soar and we could be blissfully happy.

However, we also require a dose of acceptance for when we're soaring and hit a stent of rough air. We're still up there, flying high but what's different between hitting turbulent air and hitting a roadblock is that in the air, you can still see the way ahead of you because turbulent air is not solid and can be seen through. With a roadblock, your vantage point is limited.

To live beyond roadblocks and to see beyond turbulent stretches is to give yourself permission to enjoy a moment. It's leaning into discomfort, leaning into a sense of dissonance and re-centering yourself back to where you need to be: peaceful, accepting and in control of your own permission slips.

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10 Things Someone Who Grew Up In A Private School Knows

The 10 things that every private school-goer knows all too well.


1. Uniforms

Plaid. The one thing that every private school-goer knows all too well. It was made into jumpers, skirts, shorts, scouts, hair ties, basically anything you could imagine, the school plaid was made into. You had many different options on what to wear on a normal day, but you always dreaded dress uniform day because of skirts and ballet flats. But it made waking up late for school a whole lot easier.

2. New people were a big deal

New people weren't a big thing. Maybe one or two a year to a grade, but after freshman year no one new really showed up, making the new kid a big deal.

3. You've been to school with most of your class since Kindergarten

Most of your graduating class has been together since Kindergarten, maybe even preschool, if your school has it. They've become part of your family, and you can honestly say you've grown up with your best friends.

4. You've had the same teachers over and over

Having the same teacher two or three years in a row isn't a real surprise. They know what you are capable of and push you to do your best.

5. Everyone knows everybody. Especially everyone's business.

Your graduating class doesn't exceed 150. You know everyone in your grade and most likely everyone in the high school. Because of this, gossip spreads like wildfire. So everyone knows what's going on 10 minutes after it happens.

6. Your hair color was a big deal

If it's not a natural hair color, then forget about it. No dyeing your hair hot pink or blue or you could expect a phone call to your parents saying you have to get rid of it ASAP.

7. Your school isn't like "Gossip Girl"

There is no eating off campus for lunch or casually using your cell phone in class. Teachers are more strict and you can't skip class or just walk right off of campus.

8. Sports are a big deal

Your school is the best of the best at most sports. The teams normally go to the state championships. The rest of the school that doesn't play sports attends the games to cheer on the teams.

9. Boys had to be clean-shaven, and hair had to be cut

If you came to school and your hair was not cut or your beard was not shaved, you were written up and made to go in the bathroom and shave or have the head of discipline cut your hair. Basically, if you know you're getting written up for hair, it's best just to check out and go get a hair cut.

10. Free dress days were like a fashion show

Wearing a school uniform every day can really drive you mad. That free dress day once a month is what you lived for. It was basically a fashion show for everyone, except for those upperclassmen who were over everything and just wore sweat pants.

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To My Little Sister, Don't Wish For Time To Move Faster, Soak Up The Stage Of Life You're In

Live in the moment and you will come out having no regrets.


To my best friend,

Time goes by quickly, do not wish it away. Enjoy living in the moment you are in right now because you will never get it back. Stop wishing you were in college already because you have so much to live for right now.

I know all you want to do is get away from home and start over, which is normal because I wanted to do the same thing at your age. But as your older sister, and as someone who has gone through that stage already, I am here to tell you that it is not all rainbows and sunshine 24/7.

With the time you have left in high school, enjoy every second of it because eventually, you will come to miss it.

Graduation is just around the corner for you and it honestly freaks me out how fast time is going. And it only goes faster in college. As kids, all we wanted was to be in high school and be able to drive on our own and once we hit high school, all we want is to be in college. With almost being in college for two years, I can easily say that all I want is to be a kid again. We have been wishing our whole lives away since we can remember. Enjoy today.

I see so much potential in you and I am beyond excited for what the future has in store for you.

Many times, you have been the one to give me advice even though I'm the older sister and this shows how caring and loving you are. Life is going to treat you so well and it already has.

There is one piece of advice I must give to you though. Make sure to thank mom and dad and tell them you love them as often as possible. I know they can get on your nerves and may make you angry at times, but they have given us the best life. You will learn in college just how much they love us and how much they have given up just to make us happy.

You have a good head on your shoulders and I know life is going to turn out to be exactly what you wanted. Just don't wish it all away. Some of my favorite times were when I was a senior in high school.

I'm always looking out for you so don't ever think you are alone in this crazy world. Remember, I am just one phone call away.

I love you so much sis, you got this.

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