It’s simple right, falling in love and being happy? At least that’s what I thought it was; I thought it was simple. I always had this fairytale in my head that I would meet "the one," fall in love instantly, and as time went on I would be in love forever and then end up marrying my first love. I guess that just shows that I am someone who is caught up in the movie moments, and my hopeless romantic self is way too deep in this whole thing that it should be that easy. I watched two people close to me be in a relationship even though they weren’t in love (but they kept trying because they thought it would be better in the long run), and watched people have countless relationships that would hurt them, love ended up not being what I thought would be. So, as I got older I had these fairy tales in my head that I thought would come true so I could erase the memories that made my definition of love.

Then, I thought I found the one; someone who cared for me and actually loved me for me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure he did, but I look back on that relationship now and I realized that I felt worthless, helpless, and like anything I did in that relationship wasn't enough. They were someone who was so negative the entire time and I had to hold onto their happiness, but it just always ends up crumbling down and it wasn't exactly what I wanted. When your happiness is focused all on one person and you aren't happy, it isn’t love. And when that person tells you he loves you over and over again, but never gives you an explanation, that isn't love. And each time you say you love him more and then you provide an explanation but it isn’t good enough, that isn’t love. And when you think that he is right because he promised himself he wouldn’t date the rest of high school but ends up dating you, so you think maybe he does love me more because he broke his promise to himself but it seems like the only explanation he has and then it starts to feel like your fault, that isn’t love. So sure, he was my first love and I loved that kid so much that feeling worthless and helpless didn’t matter because I was happy making someone happy. Until my heart was broken because of me being not worth something so small, but at the same time so big. My hope for someone out there who actually loved me was lost.

After that, I promised myself not to fall in love with anyone for a long time. Then, I met him and we would joke around and laugh way too hard at times. I felt happy and I hadn't felt this way in a long time and I knew this could end terribly or wonderfully. I had a crush on a guy who I knew deserved much better than what he was given but couldn't do anything about it at the time. So I waited. They say that the longer you have to wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when it finally arrives, and the more you fight for something the more priceless it will become once you achieve it. And the more pain you have to endure on your journey, the sweeter the arrival at your destination. All good things are worth waiting for and worth fighting for. This is why I waited, this is why I let myself be in pain watching him love someone else because it was all worth it in the end. I haven't had this feeling in a long time, maybe even ever. I never thought a hug could get any better or be so wonderful until I met you, and I never thought kissing someone over and over could still get me butterflies and make me feel like it was my first time kissing someone.

All these feeling are new to me, and I’m afraid. I don’t want to lose him. He is one of the reasons I smile. He is the person I can run and tell everything to. He makes me feel complete. He's important to me; he is my best friend. And I deserve someone who loves me with every single beat of their heart, someone who thinks about me constantly. I need someone who can help me reach my dreams and protect me from my fears. I need someone who will treat me with respect, love every part of me, especially my flaws. I should be with someone who could make me happy, really happy, dancing on air happy. And he makes me feel like all of that and I do deserve all that because unlike the guys I've been with he knows what I deserve. And I believe we have a true relationship because a true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other and we refuse to give up on each other through anything.

So when I say that I am giving love a second chance it's because after everything I’ve been through, I still have hope. Because even though the guy who was my first love and I wrote articles about how I think you end up with your first love in the end of everything and how pain it was to let go of my past love, I learned that there is usually someone better for you that will give you a better and new definition of love. Which is exactly what has happened for me; he has given me a new light on the subject of love. I had given up on the fact that someone was out there for me, which was a good thing since I met a wonderful guy who is my best friend as well as my boyfriend. When I was single, I learned to love myself and understand more of what love meant. So I am taking a step and giving this another chance, because sometimes we need to take chances in life to see what the outcome could be. With this chance I have taken, my outcomes have been good so far and I am happy.