I remember the day I met my roommate. For months I had waited in anticipation, I wrote her emails and a letter, I searched for her on Facebook, I blabbed on and on about what she might be like to my sister, and when the day finally came I could barely sit still I was so exnervited (excited/nervous). She was right there when I opened the door to our room and interrupted the conversation she had been having with a friend she met during passport. I wasn’t supposed to be there until the next day, and I had forgotten to tell her I’d be a little early. I was so nervous in that moment knowing that in less than a day I would officially be living eleven hours away from my family with a girl I hardly knew. I could hardly speak, but then again that’s what my mom and my sister were for.

My first college roommate had long black hair, she was nearly (but not quite) the same height as me, and she loved to dance. She encouraged and confided in me constantly, and she let me eat with her when I had no one else to eat with. She made being her roommate easy. However I made being my roommate kind of hard. I could have had a better relationship with her if I would have been open to the idea of letting someone know me. The first few weeks of my freshman year I was so stuck on the idea that I had lived a whole life that no one around me knew about before starting college, that I forgot that she had done the same thing. I still don’t know all that she’s experienced or even all that she has experienced starting from the moment I met her. She shows me constantly that we never know what a person has been through in life or what they’re going through at any given moment. With every new person I meet and the ones that I’ve known for a while she reminds me that no matter how much they may tell me about their lives, there will always be things that I don’t know.

You may not want to hear this now but at some point during the year your roommate will be the most annoying person in the world to you. This past year I got annoyed when my roommate slept past six in the morning simply because I was a wake. That doesn’t even make sense (most people sleep past six), but my patience was wearing out. If you get to these extreme places, please go to the counseling center instead of taking it out on your roommate. For me, I was so stressed with school and a few things with friends of mine that I looked for ways my roommate annoyed me, just so I could feel justified in channeling that frustration towards her. (Shout out to my roommate who gave it all right back to me so I could see what I was doing.) She didn’t deserve to have that done to her, and I was wrong for doing it.

Each of you have us has lived a whole life before starting this journey. And none of us knows entirely what any other person has experienced, so be gentle. There’s this quote going around it sounds a lot like ‘the golden rule’ and it simply says, “If you are kind to others they will be kind to you”. Every time I read this quote or I hear any variation of the golden rule (treat others how you want to be treated) with the idea that the other party will treat you the same, I am skeptical. Most of us have probably met someone we were kind too, maybe even a little too kind to, and they continued to respond negatively. Your roommate may be one of those people who never seems to reciprocate your positive feelings, but I’m begging you to keep trying.

This past summer I agreed to room one of my friends. I understand that this situation is a bit different from yours because we already knew each other, but here me out. I was so rude to her, and I didn’t consider her feelings at all for maybe the first month and a half we lived together. She hadn’t done much to get this sort of response from me, but I was so stuck in my own feelings, thoughts and way of living that having her in my space was extremely uncomfortable: negativity was my default response. We only got past that after my inconsideration was too much for the both of us and she sat me down to talk about it.

Think about this for a moment with me. I already knew this girl, we already knew that we got along, and we have some of the same sleeping/waking habits. And yet because of my attitude and my self absorbedness, I could have done some serious damage to a promising lifelong friendship. How much harder would that have been if we hadn’t known each other? It’s not as likely that she would have sat me down and had that discussion with me. It’s actually far more likely that we would have avoided each other and let passive aggressive tensions lie why they were.

I don’t know what terms you and roommate are on now, I don’t know what your relationship will be like in the future. But I can tell you that roommate tensions and relations are a lot easier when you are patient, when you listen to what they show you, and you talk it out. If you’re uncomfortable

talking one on one involve a third party, your RA or RD can serve as an effective mediator. And it is possible that you and your roommate really just don’t work well together. In that situation you either choose to stick it out or discuss having one of you move to another room. I suggest moving simply because I think it’s better for your mental health, but if it’s not that bad and the two of you can do it, why not stick it out? But before this give the two of you some time to get to know each other and each other’s habits, please don’t jump to the conclusion that you won’t work out after trying for less than a month, give it a semester.