When I was growing up, I was often asked “Are you a girly girl or a tomboy?” I didn’t know how to answer. Sometimes, I wasn’t even asked; I was just told which category I fit into based on what I was wearing, doing or saying. At a very young age, girls are taught that they fall into one of these two boxes: a girly girl (pretty dresses and tea parties) or a tomboy (tennis shoes and sports).
The issue with these rigid expectations is that once a girl has chosen a side, it’s considered odd to venture outside her box. A tomboy would be laughed at for wearing a dress, and a girly girl would be ridiculed for trying a sport. The truth is that every girl has a bit of both inside of her, even if one side is more prominent.
Additionally, where there are two sides, there is bound to be competition. Girls are forced to pick a side that they don’t entirely identify with, and on the off chance that a girl does find herself fitting securely into one category, she is told that the other side is better. Girly girls are called weak or prissy, and tomboys are taught that they’re not being proper and that boys won’t like them.
During my childhood, I was usually considered a tomboy. I competed with the boys at recess and climbed every tree I could find. I spent my summers riding my bike, catching bugs and playing sports. What a lot of people didn’t see is that I also loved dress-up and my dollhouse. As an adult, I still find myself in the middle. I buy myself cute dresses whenever possible, but I get dirty on the softball field and still love climbing a good tree. My girly side and my adventurous side are just parts of my identity, and they both contribute to who I am.
I am a big fan of Meagan Martin, professional rock climber and successful "American Ninja Warrior" athlete. It would seem that she is a tomboy, but she says that she actually identifies as a girly girl. As she swings from obstacle to obstacle, surpassing many of the male "Ninja Warrior" competitors, her nails are always manicured, and her hair and makeup are just right. Martin is a perfect example of never letting yourself be simplified into just one category.
Imagine if someone in Martin's life had noticed her girly interests and discouraged her from rock climbing because it didn't fit into the girly girl box. She would have never become the outstanding athlete and inspiration that she is today.
So, if you have a young daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin, niece or friend, please don’t make her choose. Let her play in the dirt while wearing her tutu or bring her Barbie for a bike ride. Don’t ask her “Are you a girly girl or a tomboy?” There is so much more she can be.
