Ah, the holiday season is finally upon us! And what else does the most wonderful time of the year bring with it, just for us lucky college students? (Drum roll, please.) Finals! (Crowd boos in unison.) To say that college students everywhere dread finals time would be an understatement. It is a week to a week and a half of pure, yet somehow still legal, torture.
Not only does finals week bring well... multiple finals and term papers too, but especially for girls, it tends to welcome emotions that only visit during the most stressful week of the entire semester. Stress-inflicted emotion. Lack-of-sleep-inflicted emotion. Heartless-professor-inflicted emotion. Can't-remember-the-last-time-I-showered-inflicted emotion. Random-people-take-over-the-library-inflicted emotion. Excessive-caffeine-inflicted emotion. Wanna-be-excited-for-Christmas-but-don't-have-time-inflicted emotion. And let me be your saving grace by letting you in on a little secret, finals week is not the time to cause a girl more Guy-inflicted emotion than what is usually bestowed upon her.
Girls practically become a mixture of superheroes and zombies during finals week. And no one, no matter their strength against finals, wants to mess with a sleep deprived, stressed, probably agitated, superhero zombie girl. It does not matter if she's taking a study break at Starbucks (a.k.a. fueling her temporary extreme caffeine addition), or if she nicely invites you to share a study room with her in a moment of distraction from her long list of stresses, you must approach the superhero zombie girls of finals week as if they have a bright, flashing caution sign on their back for your own personal safety.
So, in order to avoid making your finals week worse, in a way that no evil, non-email-replying, professor ever could, here are a few things you should never, under any circumstances, say to a girl during finals week.
"You look nice today."
It's finals week. It's cold. Everyone is beyond exhausted. Unless the girl you're planning on speaking to has another, non-finals related, obligation, you will find her in leggings or sweatpants and a sweatshirt, with no makeup on and sporting an unbrushed pony tail, scarily similar to a lion's mane. She may even break out the old faithfuls, her Uggs. She knows she doesn't look nice. And she may not be sure about any of the material she's studying, but she is sure that she looks like a solid 2.5 in comparison to her usual self, and she is okay with it because she doesn't have time not to be. Therefore, telling her she looks nice, even with the purest of intentions, will most likely be interpreted as a lie... No bueno.
"I'm sure you'll do great."
This innocent statement may, in fact, be one of the most dangerous things to say to a girl who's attempting to tackle finals week like a champ. Sure, you may have intentions of encouraging her by saying this, and if she does actually do great, she may appreciate your kindness. However, if she does not do great, you could easily find yourself drowning in an ocean of trouble with no shore in sight, because you said you were sure, and then you were wrong; therefore, she could easily blame you for her failure.
"_____ (insert name of any friend who has a reputation of being dumb or has never seen an A+ in his or her life) said that final was easy!"
Comparing one's test-taking abilities to another's is never a good idea, especially during finals week. You do not even want to imagine what a slightly unstable, superhero zombie girl could do to you if she feels like your BFF with a pea-sized brain is smarter than her. Her wrath may be impossible to recover from.
Guys, you have officially been warned. Proceed with caution.
