For as long as I can remember, I’ve never been a girl that’s gotten along with other girls easily. I’m always hesitant to voice this, because I’ve seen first hand the way some girls look down upon other females who have many guys for friends. For some reason, we feel this resistance to girls getting along with boys platonically-- we want to assume that they’re interested in each other, or want to hook up. I’ve been this girl more than once, I’ve fielded the glares and questions I get when I hang out with boys instead of girls.
As hard as I’ve tried, I’ve simply never been able to assimilate myself into the standard clique-y girl culture. This isn’t to say that all girls are like this, it just seems that, overwhelmingly, girls like to sort themselves into small groups of certain people and are perfectly content to stay there. I’ve always liked to have many friends from different kinds of backgrounds, which has sometimes made it hard to become especially close to anyone.
High school was a kind of battleground as I dealt with intense bullying and social isolation. My best friends weren’t in my grade, and I was rarely included in big groups of girls getting ready for school dances or going out to eat. As a result, my usual reflex is to shut myself off from girls who I think will hurt or exclude me. I simply stopped trying to be around people who treated me that way.
However, since I’ve been in college, my view on these social constructs has been able to shift. Ironically enough, the first big choice I made in college was to join a sorority. I did this mostly because I was going to school in the South and I just assumed that it was the thing to do. Little did I know the incredible support system of women I would gain. That’s not to say that we’re all best friends, or that everyone is always nice to one another. But, at the end of the day, it truly is an amazing small community to be a part of. Also, I’ve found people in college just don’t care as much about drama.
The best part, though, is the handful of girls I’ve become close to. They aren’t exclusive or mean for no reason, and they also like to meet new people rather than automatically exclude. While this might seem insignificant to some people, to me, with my long and tumultuous relationship with other girls, it has changed my world. My confidence with others is better, and I find myself happier on a daily basis. I’m learning to not shy away anymore, and that I just have to find the right girls to surround myself with.
