Let me start by saying this display of gratitude is not totally sarcastic. Rather, I’d call it half-hearted. Do I really appreciate the grotesque clumps of your shed hair splattered on the green tiles in my tiny cell of a shower? No. It’s absolutely nauseating. However, your lack of ability to be courteous to others and take two seconds to wash your droppings down the drain has made me appreciate home SO much more.

Before moving into college, I never wanted to leave. I adored my home, my loving parents and my incredible friends. As I’m wrapping up my freshman year I’ve begun to notice that, although I still love those things very much, whenever I am at home I cannot wait to get back to flying free at school. I countdown the days, even hours, until I can drive back and reunite with my “school friends.” At home there’s nothing sweeter than the thought of hot cookies from the dining hall when I go to eat lunch or the squeak of my mattress as I lay down after a full day of class. There’s nothing I want more than to sit on the floor of my friend’s room up the hall having a movie night. I seem to lose touch of how good I have things at home. I seem to lose touch of how good things are for me at home, until I actually get back to school, that is.

Stepping in the shower after a long day to calm down before bed and seeing clumps of hair dripping down the wall is anything and everything but relaxing. I feel squeamish and uncomfortable, maybe even a little scared. After trying all I can do to wash the hair down the drain in hopes of sparing myself of this misery, I now have to carefully place myself into the shower with my eyes like a hawk to be sure that I don’t let the locks of any of my hallmates slither down to feet. In this moment, I realize how absolutely absurd it is that I always rush back to my home away from home. If I wouldn’t wish the horrors of a college shower upon anyone else, why do I beg for them myself?

Thank you to the girls who leave clumps of hair in my college shower for teaching me to truly appreciate the many secret blessings I have in life; a clean, a hairless shower being one of them. However much i appreciate you for this wake-up call, PLEASE wash your hair down the drain. Thank you.