I was in fourth grade when I came home from a birthday party, set my bag down, and sighed with relief. I burst out to my mom that I was so glad to know that all my friends shared a common feeling of annoyance about a girl in our friend group, and what a relief it was to know I wasn’t the only one held these feelings. My mom just cocked her head to the side and asked, “How do you know they all feel this way?” I paused for a moment and responded as if it was obvious and justified. “We all talked about it as soon as she left the room." Nine years old and “girl on girl crime” was already a normal part of my female brain.

The first and foremost problem with the way that women relate to one another when they have problems is that we can be extremely passive. As in talking shit when someone leaves the room but pretending like everything is a-okay when they’re right in front of you. While this feels like the best of both worlds, you get to let it out in secret and keep their friendship still, your concern about the friendship never gets addressed. That leaves the problem as well as an uncomfortable feeling because people can still pick up on the emotions you send out, even when and especially when, they are incongruent with your words.

Secondly, why do we underplay the power of words? Are we really fooling anyone when we think calling someone a derogatory name is any less hurtful than a good ole' swing to the nose? Because it’s not. Your words about another human, whether you are in front of them or not, are powerful. Own that power and recognize that with it you can control how people feel about themselves. That’s huge.

Finally, we let ourselves buy into this societal-made idea that we are all in competition with each other. To quote the ever-popular film, "Mean Girls," “Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone else stupid doesn’t make you any smarter.” You could build up and befriend every female that you meet and you would still be you, you don’t lose value because you choose to add value to the lives around you. Not only does this mean you should work to make other females feel great about themselves, but it also means you need to stop being jealous of what other females have or are. Whether it is a beautiful pair of Jeffery Campbell shoes, the booty of an angel or a great romantic relationship, the sooner you can learn to say, “I am happy for you,” instead of “Why you and why not me?” the sooner you will truly believe that all things happen in your life at exactly the right time. Your life timeline and happiness has nothing to do with anyone else or where society says you should be. Rather than use that as an excuse to put on blinders and give a little sneer to female strangers in passing, use it as a reminder that your life is as it should be, as theirs is too. Smile at strangers, compliment each other’s outfits and be honest when something is bothering you. We are all sisters in a way.