To the girl who never knew:
I never got the courage to speak to you. My fear of rejection and imperfection got the best of my soul and continued until my emotions were null. I don't know if never speaking to you is what God intended or if I was appointed to help a fallen angel fly, but I never succeeded. I couldn't even manage a simple 'Hi', and now I'm high off of your beauty that's branded into my head and that always seems to trigger a small heart attack when I realize how stupid I was—or still am. I would always tell myself that today's the day I'm going to say something, but i never did.
I'm not like normal guys; I don't want a girl just for her good looks or awesome figure. I'm in it for the heart, soul, voice, and divine kindness that could turn guilt into innocence, a bell to a harp, and a broken heart into a smile—and every time you smile my heart recites Philippians 1:3, "I thank my God every time I think of you." In other words, I'm speechless beyond anything imaginable. I want to write you songs and poems just to show you how perfect you are. I somehow wish that I could just break that barrier in between you and me—maybe then you'll see how I feel.
But the fact of the matter is I'm scared of you. Don't get me wrong, you're not a very scary person, but there's something about you that keeps me from talking to you. I would come within inches of your radiant smile to compliment you, but I would always get a feeling that made me shy away like I wasn't good enough or something. Maybe that's it...Maybe I could never talk to you because I knew I wasn't worth your time. Time is of the essence they say; I may never get that tomorrow to tell you how I feel that I keep to myself. "Tomorrow I'll tell her "— "Tomorrow I'll say 'hey.'" But with my luck, that tomorrow will never come, and I'll be stuck in the middle of present and presence as I always have.
Fear is a choice, so I don't know why this is so difficult for me, and I don't really know where I'm going with this letter-poem thing. I guess I just felt like talking and this was the closest I could come to it. I guess the biggest problem is these compliments are stuck in my head, tied by my tongue, and hung from my confidence until this pen loses consciousness with one glimpse of you—
—I don't know what to do, girl who never knew—
I'm not one to throw out the word 'Love' like it's meaningless; It's admiration of a Godly creation, mixed with this waging war to man up and say something. And I know all of this probably makes me seem really creepy and cheesy, but it's the only way I know to express how I feel. So i hope you don't get too creeped out because I promise, when I get the courage, I will say 'hey', because all of these word's I've said about you are true; Every word is a statement, every statement a story, every story a poem, and every poem a prayer that says—
'Lord, take care of her. Let her find someone who brings out that perfect smile of her's. Protect her from people who don't acknowledge her feelings. Stay by her side through everything, and above all, allow her to be happy—because for short time, she's made me happy'
So, to the girl who never knew, even though I may never say anything at all, just know that you made me smile.
"You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."
1 Peter 3:4
