When your relationship with your first love comes to an end, it feels like your world is falling apart. You lay in your bed, unable to breathe, just trying to catch your breath enough to scream out of anger and frustration. This anger turns into rage, and maybe you rip up some of your old pictures together or throw something he gave you at the wall, hoping it will become just as broken as you feel. It’s waiting for that one day that you can go to your favorite restaurant, hear a song by his favorite artist or see all the funny videos you used to watch again without thinking of him. You feel sick when you smell someone else wearing the same cologne he used to wear. You have to pull the car over when you hear the song that he used to sing to you when you were sad on the radio. You see him in everything in one way or another. You can’t escape it. And it just never seems like it’s going to get easier.

Everyone tells you there are better things to come. That you deserve better. That you’ll find eventual happiness. But really, you’re scared to death. You can’t imagine another love as great as this one. So many memories have been made and you’ve created what you thought was an unbreakable history together. You were each other’s first everything. He’s become a part of your family, and you a part of his. So many nights you’ve laid awake dreaming of your future with this person, all the way down to the breed of dog you were gonna have. Sometimes, you two would even talk about it. Now, it’s as if everything you thought you knew to be true was just all a lie.

I’m not gonna beat around the bush here, it takes a while before things start to feel normal again. It’s almost impossible to even imagine the person you were before this significant other came into your life, and honestly most of the time you don’t want to. Getting over someone you spent so much time and effort making happy is not an easy task. Often times it seems as if he’s doing perfectly fine while you’re still crumbling to pieces. And just when you start to feel okay again, he’ll text you. Or call you. Or want to see you. And then the time that you both belted out the lyrics to “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5 while driving home from a movie date will all come flooding back in your head with his simple “hey” text.

It’s hard to think about anything except your heartbreak at this point in time. What you need to remember, though, is that he is not everything. You are so much more than the things he did to you, the way he made you feel, and the pain he has caused you. Many people often say that your first love is either a blessing or a lesson. I think that in this case, it’s both. It’s a blessing in that you get to go on this wonderful journey of learning self-love and appreciation. It’s a lesson in that you now know what you deserve, what you can and can’t take and how you should be treated.

So, take the time to heal. It’s okay to not be okay for a while, but don’t forget all of the wonderful things and people you have in your life, and you likely already had before this boy even came along. You have your friends, family, pets (dogs are always greater than boys, am I right?). If this boy fell in love with you, it means you have so many attractive and astounding qualities. The thing is, you don’t need a boy to appreciate them. Recognize and appreciate them yourself. Know that you’re confident, or really good at something, or one of the strongest people your family and friends have ever seen. It isn’t stressed enough just how important self love is. Always love yourself before you try to love someone else.

This is not the end of the world. I promise, it really isn’t. You’ll slip up, you’ll miss him, and you’ll probably want him back at some point. Who knows, maybe things will change, you'll both mature, and you really will end up together in the end. However, you can't rely on that. I’ll be the first to admit sometimes there is no amount of positive energy, no retail therapy, no unhealthy food, no distraction, no nothing that can mend your broken heart and exhausted self. All you’ll have is yourself and your inner strength and will to get out of bed the next day. That is enough, you are enough, and I can assure you that tomorrow will come. And you will be okay. One day, you will be able to look all of your demons in the face and wonder why they even affected you in the first place. One day, you’ll get out of bed with a smile on your face excited to start your day again. And one day, you’ll hear that Maroon 5 song on the radio, and you’ll turn it up and sing along all by your dang self.