As I originally read your piece , I was livid. The only emotion that passed through me was rage; a blind, feministic type that made me want to throw out the rest of my bras, one I could feel coursing through my veins as you threw around words like, “dignity, value, and self respect”. After taking some time and re-reading, I only feel sad. I’m disappointed you see the world through such a small lens, that you’ve been manipulated by society on what women should and should not wear, and that you gained a small enough platform for insecure and hate filled words to spread. Most of all, I feel sorry for you, and I don’t say that as a sarcasm filled statement. I say it with sincerity, so if you read this, which I hope you do, you won’t disregard it as a personal attack like you have with all the other comments from enraged women, but rather, with an open mind.
As I thought of how to approach this emotionally charged issue, I didn’t want to get too personal. Like I’ve asked of you concerning my piece, I tried to read yours without taking a defensive stance, as if you weren’t speaking directly to me, a woman who wears whatever she desires and just purchased an actual thong bathing suit for the upcoming summer months, but only as a human, as a woman. The most simplistic way that I found to spell things out was through the definitions of your word choices and the power they hold.
Value: The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance or worth of something.
Self Respect: Pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity.
Dignity: The state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.
As you can see, these words encompass so much about who we are, how we see ourselves, and how the world views us. To simply chalk up someone’s value, self respect, and dignity based on the premise of whether their butt sticks out of a swimsuit is complete insanity. We are composed of so much more than our bodies and to use that as the sole determiner of whether someone is worthy of respect is a disgrace. My value should be based on what positive good I am giving back to the world, my self respect is for me and myself alone to decide, meaning you have zero say in it, and I want my dignity to be determined by the way I treat other people. None of these words should be inserted into the sentence, “A woman who wears blank has no…”.
You then ask, “Why should it be socially acceptable to wear basically a thong in public in the summer months”, and in response to this question, I have a few brainteasers of my own for you! Why is it socially acceptable for you to vote? Why should it be socially acceptable for you to work? Why is it socially acceptable for you to choose to use birth control if you like? Why is it socially acceptable for you to even write this? Why should it be socially acceptable for you to have a voice? None of these things used to be “socially acceptable”, some not even legal. There are women in other countries that are still living without these luxuries. Each explanation of what women should or should not be, even something as small as what we should wear to the beach, is a step back, so thanks, but I’ll be staying right here in 2017 wearing whatever cut bathing suit I want.
When it comes to your points about men wearing speedos, “would you want your daughter wearing that”, and being a bad example for younger generations; I don’t have much to comment because each of these arguments are weak and simply crash and burn on their own. Basically yes, men wear speedos, plus men walk around with their shirts off and nipples out *gasp*, but more importantly, what men wear to the beach is not even topic worthy because no one cares, which is where I have such a large issue with how concerned someone seems to be with my swimsuit choice. My daughter will be her own woman; she will be strong, independent, and have every choice when it comes to her body. It will not be my place, yours, or anyone else’s to decide that for her. As for being bad examples for younger generations, I think teaching them to judge someone’s worth and whether they should respect them based on their swimsuit choice would be the true bad example.
As you begin to close your piece you say, “ Although I know many women this summer will not be listening to my advice, however, for those of you who do, thank you for showing respect to your bodies as well as yourselves”. It’s sad to see you creating an “us vs. them” mentality. Pinning women against each other is never a solution. We should be supporting, accepting and embracing differences, and working to create a better future. This line, along with the rest of the article, is a perfect example of why rape culture exists. Teaching that women who dress one way or show a certain amount of skin aren’t worthy of respect or don’t have any values gives reasoning for men to treat us as such. The only go ahead that some people need to be violent or hateful is the acceptance from others that this is normal behavior. The mentality of “she wore this, so she doesn’t deserve respect, so I can treat her however I like” is a prominent issue right now and has been for a long time. Women are being raped on college campuses, a man was taking pictures of teenage girls underneath dressing room doors, a girl was raped on Facebook live and no one did a thing. These tragedies are happening, they are happening today, and it is this mindset that allows it.
This summer I hope women feel empowered to wear what they want without the fear of being shamed for it. We are both women, we are both writers, the only difference is that I truly do not care what you’ll be wearing on the beach this summer and you seem to be preoccupied with my decisions.
