In high school, I was the girl who always cared about how many followers I had and even had apps on my phone that would tell me who and how many people unfollowed and followed me. I never liked looking at my friends' pages and see them have more followers than me. It was as if social media was more of a life to me than my actual life was.

When social media first became my life in 7th grade, I remember becoming obsessed. Back then I gave myself a goal to post at least 6 pictures a day, and I was like, "GENIUS IDEA." But looking back, that was the start of my downfall. I noticed that by posting so much, I wouldn't get as many likes as the popular girls posting one picture outside of Abercrombie. I would post funny cartoons of squirrels and jokes only me and my friend group would understand, but that would only make people unfollow me and go somewhere else for their content. The lack of likes and followers created this hole in me that created unrealistic standards for myself going on through high school. I would edit my selfies so they would be up to par with everyone else and while that did generate likes and followers, it made me lose myself. It got to where I couldn't look at myself without makeup anymore just because it wasn't what I thought I should look like according to social media.

My breaking point was my senior year. I went through a really tough breakup that led to a social media frenzy for me. I remember posting selfies like there was no tomorrow just because I needed the gratification social media gives you when you post a bomb picture. I needed the comments to come in telling me I was beautiful and I felt that if social media could justify me, then maybe I will be okay. I was so upset thinking about what was so wrong with me that I hoped the internet would believe the best in me for me, rather than me believing in myself. Unfortunately, I never felt satisfied enough by the comments, likes, or followers and it just left me depressed.

I began seeking therapy for all of my self doubt and one thing I remember my therapist telling me was to disconnect for a month and see how I was feeling at the end. Since I disconnected that month, I have never felt more proud to live the life that I live. I never realized how easily a screen can distort your reality and make you appreciate things that are artificial rather than your family, friends, and everything else that is real.

Going into college, I deleted every app I had that tracked my followers and I stopped caring how much I posted because I realized that the people who truly value me are real, not on social media, so why do I care so much about who follows me and likes my stuff when it should be things that represent ME, not the mass public. I started using my social media to reflect me and my values rather than posting things for likes and glorification and let me just say, it has been the best feeling ever since.