The signs of an abusive relationship may not always be as crystal clear as you think.
At first, everything seems perfect and you're relieved that you finally feel like you got it right this time. He says all the right things and goes out of his way for you. It's not until he gets comfortable in the relationship when things take a turn for the worse.
His charm starts to fade and he starts to reveal his true colors. He starts trying to control who you’re with, where you go and gets mad over the small things. When you decide to go out, you’re glued to your phone, hoping that he doesn’t get upset that you took too long to respond to his text. You start making excuses for him. “He’s just protective” or "He's just stressed from work". You let it go but eventually you’re too nervous it’ll start a fight so you sit home while your friends are out having a good time.
Then there’s vicious name calling and he starts putting you down for your opinions and how you feel. You find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, always in fear that he’ll start an argument. You may see these red flags and know deep down that this isn’t normal, but you let it go and try to suppress the feeling.
You cling on to the good times that you have with him and pray that eventually things go back to the way they use to be. At this point, you're attached. You, of course know how capable he is of being a good boyfriend, but the person you once knew is gone.
You’ve mastered the act of fooling everyone around you that you’re in this really happy and loving relationship. Your family adores him, your friends can see the smiles and the laughs and the cute Facebook posts, but they don’t see it from the inside.
No one sees the 2 AM fights. You don't even remember what triggered most of those late night arguments. The nights where you’ve been crying for three hours straight and all you want to do is resolve things and go to bed, so you give in to him. You apologize even though you’re not even sure what you did to make him so furious at you. Every fight seems to end like that.
You said something to set him off, you weren’t cheerful enough in the conversation, you said something offensive, or maybe you didn’t say enough.
The problem is always you, isn’t it?
You begin to believe that the problem is you, so you try harder. You strive to make him happy and maybe the fights will stop, right? Wrong.
Then one night, when he's had too much to drink, he starts screaming inches from your face because he’s paranoid and convinced that you’ve been unfaithful to him. Every curse word and malicious name is being thrown at you left and right. You’re bawling your eyes out trying to reassure him that he’s the only person that you want to be with. He mocks you for crying and tells you how annoying and weak you are. In a split second, he raises his hand above his head and swipes it across your cheek.
This moment becomes the norm for you.
It’s just another fight, it’s just another time that he threatens to leave you.
He swears to you that no one will ever love you like he loves you.
He promises over and over that he’ll be a better man. He swears that it will never happen again and how truly sorry he is. "I'll stop drinking for you, I promise, no more fighting." You've heard all of these empty promises before.
Do not let it escalate to this point. Do not be person who always lets things go.
At first, leaving seems impossible for many different reasons. Even after the relationship ends, parts of you will still feel broken and ruined, and that’s okay. But six months later you’ll find yourself sitting in the passenger seat of a car, laughing harder than you’ve ever laughed before, singing along to old songs and talking about life. Soon you start to forget all about the guy who tried to ruin you.
You’ll think back on when he told you that no one could love you like he did. I hope to God that he’s right. I hope and pray that you find someone who loves you enough to never imagine hurting you like he did. I hope you find real happiness in someone who's willing to show you how a man is supposed to treat a woman.
I hope you find someone who really genuinely loves you the way you deserve to be loved.
