You never thought you'd say the words. I miss high school. Senior year, or even if you're like me really junior year of high school you already started feeling that "senioritis" kick in and thought about the next chapter of your life. College seemed like this "escape" and although you heard it was hard you never actually knew what that difficulty felt like until you got here. You thought it looked fun, which it is, but you never thought it'd be how it actually is. Now all I can say is oh, how I miss high school.

If you're still in high school, I recommend you don't take those years for granted. You may think your AP courses now are preparing you for the college level work, but they don't. Nothing can prepare you. Oh it's only four classes I'm taking this semester here at college, how hard could it be? I used to take 8 or 9 a day! Hard. It's harder than anything.

A lot of people say you don't realize what you have until it's gone. Which is sad, but true. In this case, you don't appreciate how easy high school is, compared to your later years of college, and then the even harder real world. You can't take this time lightly, appreciate it while you can.

It's weird how only a few months ago I was deciding on what college to go to, on the actual decision deadline date mind you, and I had no idea what college would bring. I was worried about the prom, finals, graduation, last quarter grades, etc. I remember filling out 17 applications, yes 17. I put so much time into each question, not having any idea where I wanted to go. I just knew even though I was nervous, I was also very excited to take the next step and chapter of my life. But now, I miss the moments in high school where there was uncertainty and I wish I could go back and appreciate the present.

Everyone is always looking forward, which is great in some ways, but also a poor choice for other reasons, such as the reason I'm bringing up which is not realizing how lucky you are and everything you have offered to you right at that one moment.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love college and all my school has to offer me, all of the opportunities, resources, people, activities, and experiences. I enjoy learning how to be independent, even though a lot of times I wish my mom was right here with me and I didn’t have to feel so responsible and alone so much more lately. It’s a new feeling and I never really have experienced it before. But I guess that’s a part of growing up, learning how to be on your own and providing for yourself.

I also love how I now get to pick the classes I want to take, not all of those basic high school requirements and maybe if you’re lucky getting to pick one or two electives of your choice. Now I get to choose everything, and although sometimes it is overwhelming because I love to learn and there are so many classes I want to take, it is also so amazing that I have the freedom to engage in courses I please and really get the most out of my classes. Even though I don’t feel like waking up early on Mondays and Wednesdays, I am excited to go to class and learn, loving all of my courses for different reasons and loving to dive into new discussions and topics. My professors are all so fascinated with the material and it’s an experience that I love and have hoped for a while now, without even knowing. Call me a nerd if you want but I now love school a lot more than I did before, and am so passionate about taking my education to the next level and getting the most out of everything I do.

It’s also scary though. Having so much freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want, with whoever you want, however you want, etc. (you get my point). It’s a little foreshadow into the rest of your life, when you get to pick your job in the future and the people you want in your life for example.

I often sit in the library, which I am doing right now as it is finals season and I am procrastinating studying:), and while I am looking at the beautiful and incredible school I go to, the giant painting on the wall and such smart and driven people sitting around me, I take a deep breath and smile because these are the moments I really feel lucky. People often look at school in negative ways, not wanting to go and finding work hard and sometimes pointless. But people tend to forget about how lucky they are to even have the chance to go to school, and especially an incredible school like the University of Michigan, which has everything you could imagine, plus more.

There’s also times when I think about what my family and friends are doing without me. It’s a hard thing to process, especially around the holiday season which has always been my favorite time of year with my family because we decorate the house and our Christmas tree together and we’re as happy as ever. You feel like you’re missing out on a lot, such as when I was too far away and missed my brother’s confirmation. It really sucks sometimes when you used to be a part of things and now you’re just on the outside. I talk to my friends often, but everyone is doing their own things now, and some I haven’t seen since August or October, which is hard because I used to see these people everyday whether it was in class or an after school quick Dunkin Donuts run, and of course the weekends just hanging out or going to the city for the day and taking a lot of potential instal-worthy shots:) It’s so weird how you go from seeing someone everyday, laughing and smiling with them, to now not seeing them at all, and living through their social medias or the brief text conversations you have, getting bits and pieces of their lives but not truly knowing what’s going on. Everyone has new friends now, which is great but bittersweet. It’s hard to ignore how much you miss these people in your life when they had such a big impact on you before.

High school is always the days people say you’ll remember most. My parents will tell me stories of “back when I was in high school” or about their high school friends. It’s just something that’s a large experience and memory of your life and you’d be surprised of how many moments and experiences you remember later on.

Maybe I’m being dramatic. But I believe it’s normal to feel this way when you change from having home cooked meals everyday and maybe having one quiz or test a day in high school, seeing your friends every weekend, and knowing your downtown thick and through, to such unfamiliarity and starting over fresh. It’s good and bad. You look at videos and pictures from senior year, and you think God how I should have realized how good I had it then, or how happy you were in that moment.

What I’m trying to say from this ramble is appreciate what you have when you have it. This summer when I went to the beach with my friends or had movie days or adventures with my boyfriend or went on little day trips with my family, I didn’t think about how soon I wouldn’t be able to do these things anymore, at least not as often as I used to. Maybe I was trying to deny I was running out of time, or maybe it just went past my mind. I used to have the city a 45 min train ride from New Jersey always there, my friends and I deciding the day of to go and get quick brunch and shop in SoHo. Now I’d have to take a plane ride to get there, and I don’t even like planes that much because you always feel like you’re going to some far far away place when you’re on them, at least for me. Maybe some of the memories you’ve had the past 4 years, or even the last 18 years of your existence in general seem insignificant, but they aren’t. When the chances are gone to do these things and you’re sitting and contemplating in the next chapter of your life, you’ll remember the most seemingly random but influential parts and events.

So take a second and become aware of everything you have in this exact moment, no matter what chapter you’re at in your life, and realize what you have. Realize that although you may be able to do things whenever and however you want now, the freedoms you’ll have will change in the blink of an eye, and all you can do at this exact moment is focus on what and whom you value. The rest is out of your control, sorry but not sorry.