Early last week, I was in my philosophy class when I overheard two girls talking about getting ghosted. The conversation was very straightforward.

“Ugh, (insert name here, something like Kyle, I think) is ghosting me and I literally don’t even know what happened.”

“Dude being ghosted the worst. I mean I do it all the time. But it’s the worst.”

In my head I was like, okay it’s the worst, but you do it anyway? Have you ever heard of the Golden Rule? Treat others as you'd like to be treated? But, then I realized it was probably not my place and those girls would not talk to me for the rest of the semester. And, I want friends.

If you don’t know what ghosting is, here’s a definition that was LITERALLY part of a Google search - noun: the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. There are articles written about what it is, and how to deal with it. I don't think we should deal with it, but rather change it. That's just me though.

I feel like as a college student, I understand this concept well. I understand it when I ask one of my friends if she and another guy are a ‘thing’ (you also know what ‘thing’ is), and she responds saying “well we like Snap and text but I don’t know”.

Millennials are known for their technology addiction. They're also known to be self-obsessed, use buzzwords like 'plant-based' when talking about their diets, and probably spend too much on avocado toast. If I met someone who didn’t have a smartphone, I would probably be puzzled as to how they check their emails and whose phone they take their photos on. I feel like our phones carry so much weight, and often too much weight, in our human interaction. This is by no means a revolutionary idea - I think deep down we all understand that our dependence on technology can be troublesome, but we don’t really want to do anything to change it.

There’s are many reasons that everyone who’s not a millennial says “damn millennials.” These reasons are broad in scope, but I feel I usually hear this when it comes to our use and misuse of technology and social media. Don’t get me wrong, I think social media can be awesome. It can help you get in touch with old friends, help spread ideas, and help you explore some of your passions. Yet I think the way we misuse it has a more profound impact on the way we set standards for ourselves, and how we treat others.

I try to put ghosting in the frame of a real conversation. Like, if you’re Snapping and texting someone everyday, try to think of it like you talk in person everyday. Either in class, in a group of friends, at parties, whatever. And then comes the ghosting. That means you would completely drop your ghost-ee. Never speak again. That individual comes up to you in the dining hall, and you just blast straight past ‘em.

Our standards of behavior in real life and through technology are different, and I think the disparity is too extreme. We try to bury any bad behavior we have through the justification that it’s just Snap, it’s just text, it’s just a DM. I feel like that does us all a disservice. It allows us shelter from real repercussions and real feelings. In real life, you can’t hide from that. People have real emotions, and if you play with them through the platform of social media, isn’t that still hurtful?

Transparency is important in every relationship. The relationships you have with your mom, your sister, your friends, your coworkers, and your significant other. It’s important people know what you’re feeling, and why you feel it. And, when you can define that to others, you can better define that for yourself. If you make a decision on a relationship and give no reasoning, you won’t fully understand your own behavior. You’re mad at person A because of experience B, but you take it out on him in scenario C. If experience B happens through a convo on Snapchat though, can you justify it in scenario C?

I’ve been ghosted, and it’s trash. I’ve ghosted, and it’s trash. The lines we form for social media can be hard to define, and hard to justify. I feel like in the future we’re going to want romantic stories from our generation, and some grandma is going to talk about ‘the one that got away’ as the one who opened her Snaps and never responded.

I don’t think social media’s presence in flirtations and hookups will stop anytime soon, but I think the way we respond to it can shift. Think about what it means that our generation made ghosting a thing. If we’re defined by our actions, that’s a pretty bad act to be defined by. If we want to change that, it doesn’t have to be a huge, life-altering shift. If you don't want to be ghosted, stop ghosting. Maybe instead of cutting someone out of our lives, we can just talk about how they’re awesome, but just not for us.