Yes, I Have Depression, No, I'm Not Depressed

Yes, I Have Depression, No, I'm Not Depressed

I live for myself now, and I won't let depression get in my way anymore.
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You hear a lot of talk about depression, but if you haven’t had this awful disease, then you don’t completely understand it.

I wish I was one of those people who didn’t understand what it was like to go through it, but I am. It is truly the worst thing I have had to deal with, and I struggled with it for six years. It may be something I wish I never had to go through but it has taught me to really enjoy the life I have and to not take it for granted. I still have my battles, yes, but it’s not constant anymore.

It started when I was a freshman in high school. And, of course, a lot of it stemmed from this certain boy, although that’s not the only reason. I went through freshman year like a zombie. I really didn’t care about anything. I went from an honor student to failing classes. The only class I actually did good in was geography because I’m a history nerd. I played volleyball but that’s only because I had to force myself to do it. But at the same time, I lost the love and interest I had for it, just like I did everything else. After freshman year, I came out to be homeschooled, thinking maybe that will help. It did, but not enough.

Staying home every day, doing the same thing over and over again, only gave me more time to sit and think about things that had never crossed my mind before. I got distant, I stopped hanging with friends, and I did nothing. I finally came to the point where I knew I had to get out, so I got a job working at the local library. For two and a half hours of the day, I was a busybody.

Two and a half hours of nothing but working, and that certainly helped, for that little bit of time.

A couple years pass and I’m finally a senior. Applying to colleges, working my butt off, saving money(sort of). And then I finally find someone who I thought I was going to spend a fairly good amount of time with. But we all have those thoughts when we meet someone, right? In my case, that didn’t go the way I planned.

The whole time, there was nothing but drama, and lies, and him running around on me. Which ultimately led to the worst day of my life. December 14th, 2016, I hit my all time low. And I won’t get graphic, but there was self-harm involved, something I never thought I would get to. But it happened, and I can’t take it back. It was the worst day, but a learning lesson, too. From that day on, I vowed to myself, that I would NEVER let someone get me that low again.

Months pass, and here I am, at college. I am finally living now. And I say that with complete honesty. I have a good group of friends, and I’m finally on the road to be a teacher, which is what I’ve always dreamed about. I wrote this article to say that it does get better. In time, you will be living your best life again. I did this by myself, but you don’t have to. If you are struggling, there is no shame in asking for help.

And I still have my days, everyone does. But there’s not a constant dark cloud looming over my head now. I can go out and have fun with my friends and not have to fake it anymore. I have everything to live for. I have the cutest nephew in the world, I have real friends, and I'm working towards getting my degree.

So yes, I have depression, but at the same time, I'm not depressed. I’m genuinely happy for the first time in six years and I’m not letting depression take that away from me again.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won’t see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won’t laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won’t go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They’ll miss you. They’ll cry.

You won’t fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won’t get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won’t be there to wipe away your mother’s tears when she finds out that you’re gone.

You won’t be able to hug the ones that love you while they’re waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won’t be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won’t find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won’t celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won’t turn another year older.

You will never see the places you’ve always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You’ll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it’s not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don’t let today be the end.

You don’t have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It’s not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I’m sure you’re no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won’t do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you’ll be fine.” Because when they aren’t, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

For help, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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5 Tips To Help You Feel Better If You're Sick

A few helpful tips if there's a bug going around.

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Not to brag, but I don't get sick very often, maybe once a year. When I do find myself a little under the weather, there's a few things I like to do for a faster recovery. I have no idea if any of these are 100% accurate, but I'd like to think they do. None of these will immediately make you feel better, but they'll help quicken the process.

Drink lots of water.

This one is a no-brainer, but it can be hard to do sometimes. I know when I'm sick, I definitely don't think about it. Water can help flush toxins out of your body, makes you hydrated, and can help you feel more awake and energized! If you're not a huge water drinker like I am, Tea also helps.

Stay home.

If you're sick, it's honestly better if you just take a day off and focus on feeling better. If you're worried about going to school or work, it's better that you don't spread anything. Let me just say, I'm fairly certain the last time I caught something was because someone behind me in a class was coughing through the entire lecture.

Rest.

This one goes with the last point, but sleeping will help your immune system fight off any infections. It's good to take some time off and get any extra sleep you can.

Clean everything.

I like to wash all of my clothes and bed sheet, because they're what I wear and touch the most, especially my pillow cases. This will help get rid of some germs and stop them from spreading. It's also good to disinfect anything you touch often, like doorknobs and table surfaces.

Take medicine.

This one also sounds like a no brainer, but seriously if you expect to feel better soon you should be taking some sort of medicine. At the very least, it'll help with your symptoms, so you're not couching or sneezing every couple minutes.

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