I'd been going to the gym for a couple of weeks, but I wanted to hire a trainer to give me more accountability. At the same time, I hated the idea of doing this. I have not had a trainer in over ten years. I was out of shape and embarrassed about it too. I was intimidated most days just walking into the gym, working out with a professional trainer would probably put me in my grave. I had been feeling pretty crappy about myself, despite my daily bike rides that were increasing in distance. I had recently taken my, "before," picture and was horrified by what I saw in the photo. I know, I know, it's a starting point. It felt like a pretty rough place to start.

My partner and I walked in for our appointment. I wanted a male trainer, but settled on a woman who fit with our schedule. She would train the two of us together. I guess there was some safety in numbers, although I am competitive by nature and right now my body is in no condition to compete with anyone but myself. This made me feel bad too. I pride myself on not judging people when I first see them, after all I am a tattooed teacher myself. But when our trainer came over, I was stricken with fear. She was a tall, skinny, blonde, and I'm sure she was a jerk to top it off. We made introductions and my partner made a crack about seeing "normal people swimming," in the gym pool after watching Olympic swimmers all week. It broke the ice and made everyone laugh, but I was freaking out inside and my anxiety was beginning to try and make an appearance.

I must have mumbled something about being nervous because she immediately said, "Look, I totally get it, I want you to know I've been on both sides of this. I was eighty pounds overweight, lost it, and now I do this." Oh my gosh, I just totally misjudged this woman based on what she looked like. I told her that last week we had done a little trial run with a trainer to see if it was something we would be interested in and it left me unable to walk for the next four days. She assured us that she would not have us do anything she had not herself done and the point wasn't to make us so sore using the toilet became a workout too. I'm not saying this happened to me. OK, yes I am.

We trained for almost an hour and it went by fast. We chatted as we lifted and she worked us out hard, but not painfully hard. The guilt I felt about judging her was equal only to the pain I felt in muscle groups that had been de-activated for so long. She worked all of our muscle groups in that hour and I felt it. I wasn't embarrassed for my lack of abilities or for being out of shape. She complimented our efforts and challenged us too.

I learned so many things today that most people probably already know. Change is hard and slow, but unless you take the first step, you're not changing, you're stagnant. Getting my body into the gym to meet my trainer was my first step, my hardest step to change. I also learned that judging people based on how they look is not good form. And I know better. I'm glad I didn't run out of the gym screaming when I took a look at her, she is a good fit for me and I have made an appointment for next week. When we first see people we don't know their struggle and they don't know ours. I guess that's why we need to treat people the way we want to be treated. We all can't be Olympic swimmers, but we can still get in the pool.