One of the hardest lessons you learn in life once you become an adult is that no one is in charge; you run the show and this is something that can either make you or break you. When life gets hard, which it does, we tend to lean on other people for our happiness. This could be one of the dumbest things mankind does -- people leave, they lie and it just hurts you in the end. By letting someone new in your life, you give him or her the power to either hurt you or make you the happiest person in the world.
With fall coming up, you’re going to see lots of cute relationship things like carving pumpkins together, haunted trail pictures and apple orchard festivities. The best time of the year just happens to be called “cuddle weather” just to remind you everyday that you’re single and enjoy fun things alone.
Things like this make us jump so easily into relationships. Some of us aren’t even ready; you just do it because we feel like we need someone -- someone to lean on or to make us feel important. An issue for people is getting into a relationship when they don’t have their “crap” together, and it just hurts you and makes the relationship fail before it has even started. Before considering getting into a “serious” relationship, make sure you have your crap together. Here are a few things I suggest you need in your life before you allow someone in your life:
When you have real friends.
Before you even begin to give your heart to a person, you need to have an unstoppable support system. Your friends are going to be what get you through the lowest of the lows and celebrate and fun with you through the highs. You are always going to have the friends that leave and can’t stick with you, but you will know when you have the best friends of all time. Get them, keep them -- they are what get you through this sucky life.
When you have gotten over your ex. Like seriously, you're done.
Don’t need to say this again. Whatever you do, do not start dating if you are still affected by your ex. Number one, it’s not fair to the person that you are “talking” to and number two, you have to respect yourself to have the time to move on. It can be hard to understand when you officially move on because you never really know when that is. The smallest things stand in the way. When he texts you, do you still respond? When he likes your Instagram picture, are you still talking about it? These simple things can determine your mindset and if you have officially moved on. But once it happens, move on to the next awesome thing in store for your life.
When you're done with being distracted on "dates."
What I mean by this is, when you’re casually dating and meeting new people you easily get distracted with other things. You don’t seem to care, you’re just out with them to have fun. But if you're only considering to be friends, it becomes a waste of time and energy for the other person and you. This is where casual dating becomes too casual. You get absolutely nothing out of it and this does nothing helpful for you, and you ruin relationships with what could be some cool friends.
You’re the only thing you need to complete yourself.
Be that strong person everyone says is so easy to be. This is one of the most important things to do before giving a chance to someone new. "You need to love yourself before someone can love you." As much as this quote is used, it is so freaking true. You have to be able to make your self happy and to be able to do things on your own because once you start leaning on someone or depending on someone it will hurt you, it will always hurt you. Pull yourself out of the hole of insecurities and start to love yourself. In the end, you only really have yourself and you need to love yourself just enough to get you through. Maybe one day somebody might come along and love you just as much as you love yourself.
You're okay with being single.
Being in a relationship is a want and not a need. “Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty sexy and you’re taking you’re time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with.” This quote is from "Sex and the City," and I don’t think it could describe being single any better. So what you're single? You’re just figuring out what you want in life and there is nothing wrong with that. My personal advice is to cuddle with your dog, because they will always love you even on the lonely nights.
Build memories, not walls.
I saved the best for last because this is so important. No matter what has happened, take the experiences and use them to remember the good times. Don’t let anything ruin your future experiences or how you treat people. Personally, I think this is so easy because once someone hurts you it is easy to take it out on everyone around you. You build a wall to never trust again or you let your past relationship control how you treat your next one. When you learn to let things go or just look at what happened as the past then you are ready to consider letting someone new in.
