Don't get me wrong, I've had some good friendships in my life, but what I've learned as I've gotten older is that those are rare and fleeting. The closest friendships are ones I've made through activities outside of school and have lasted years.
I've always been the one on the outside looking in of the friendships of people who've known each other forever. I've never truly been on the inside. I've been left out of plans and group chats more times than I can count. What I've learned though, is that it's okay, and it's not my fault. I constantly ask myself: "Am I annoying? Did I do something wrong?" The answer is simple- no. Not everyone will be as good a friend to you as you are to them, and that's just life.
As you get older, your circle gets smaller, so I don't need to be in with a group who doesn't care about me, and I don't need to force myself into plans of people who don't want me there. Having a couple of close friends is much better than feeling like an outsider in a large group of people who don't reciprocate the same positive energy.
I have always been the friend people come to for advice, but somehow I've only had a couple I could go to when in need. Being the friend that is constantly consulted but rarely invited gets exhausting after a few years.
As I go to college, I will still continue to be that friend who is approachable. I love helping others, and that will not change. However, what I will not do is continue to try with people who don't try with me. So if that means I can count my closest friends on one hand, then that's okay. It's just life.
