So any girl who has seen the movie "Pride and Prejudice" (the 2005 version with Kiera Knightly and Matthew Macfayden, of course) has almost assuredly come away with a feeling of joyous excitement and impending despair, because she has now and forever been introduced to Mr. Darcy.
Though for a short while after this wondrous introduction she may be perfectly elated, she will ultimately come to a crashing realization that will serve as a hook of despair forcing her down from the clouds she'd been floating among since discovering the perplexing and utterly heart-bursting character of Mr. Darcy. This incredibly sad realization (albeit, a little dramatic) goes a bit like, "Oh my gosh, no man will ever live up to Mr. Darcy in my life."
Yes, its depressing, unfair and unfounded (kind of), but the sad truth of the matter is that most guys these days have no idea what it means to interact with a woman, and even if they did, most don't know how.
With the exception of a select few men who are obviously aliens.
So, men, without further ado, here's a few things to keep in your back pocket for the next time you wish to woo a special lady friend.
1. It's okay to not necessarily be a player or smooth.
Yes, seriously! In all honesty, if you're just being yourself and are still putting yourself out there to pursue your girl, odds are she'll recognize the effort and it'll actually be pretty endearing. The key here is to pursue her anyways. In a completely un-passive way. Be straight forward with her. But not in a creepy way. Never in a creepy way.
2. Let her know how attractive her intelligence and interests are. Revel in it. Often.
This one is important. It's crucial that both parties in the relationship are actually growing and maintaining themselves separate from the relationship. You can't have a healthy relationship if one or both of you are heavily reliant on the other person — and/or the relationship itself — to complete or define you. When you're taking time to cultivate yourself you have more to share with the other and more room to really truly fall in love with the other person. In a relationship between two people, two halves do not become a whole. That's not a relationship, that's codependency.
It's also super flattering and attractive when a guy acknowledges and is genuinely interested in your thoughts and what you have to say and contribute — as long as they're being genuine about it.
3. Ask her. Just ask her.
Okay, for real, though. This is huge. No more of this texting and snapchatting, "Hey come chill" nonsense. The age of passive asking is over people! If you're interested in spending time with her, ask her to spend time with you. Find out what she likes, what you think she'll enjoy and ask her on a date! Even if it makes you nervous because you're putting yourself out there, just do it.
Look at Mr. Darcy, for example. He hates dancing! He's so shy and awkward and seemingly mean but is actually just slightly insecure, and yet he still had the guts to ask Elizabeth to dance. So, men, there's no excuse. And ladies, there's no excuse for you either because Elizabeth said yes even though he was mean and pompous and didn't know how to talk to a girl yet to save his life. So, if a guy asks, be gracious.
4. Make a point of simply letting her know how much you enjoy her company.
This is actually so sweet. As a girl, it's so nice to hear when the guy you've been seeing just wants to see you. He'll do whatever, as long as it's in your company. And that's awesome.
5. Maybe just like, smile sometimes. Keep it light. Banter. It's all good.
A smile is a great thing. Being able to tease each other sometimes is also a great thing — but don't force it. Be mindful and intentional in your pursuit of your lady, but also, make sure you're both able to have fun with each other.
6. Be cool enough with yourself that you can focus on her when you need to. You know, connect.
It's never fun to be put on the sidelines because the other person isn't maintaining his or her side of the relationship. It's absolutely a two-way street, and it's so important. It is so fun and flirty and beautiful when two people can be cool enough with themselves to build that connection with the other person. That's vulnerability, folks, and it's a terrifyingly wonderful thing.
7. Give her a choice in the matter.
I know, this sounds like it's common sense and completely unnecessary to point out, but you'd be surprised how common it is for a guy to forget that she still needs to give her consent. You're asking her if she'll come spend time with you. You're asking her if she'll let you get to know her, and if she'll get to know you. You're asking her if she'll let you be her man, and if she'll be your woman. You're asking her.
And yes, you do have to verbally ask. Implied consent in the beginning stages of a relationship is not, and should not, be a thing. And then if she says no — which she may or may not — respect her answer. Be a gentleman enough that you can respect her "no," and continue to be gracious and kind towards her afterwards.
8. It's okay to not know what to do sometimes. It's the effort that counts.
Relationships, especially in the beginning, can be awkward. You may not know what to do, what to say, or how to say it. And that's okay. As long as you try. Heck, Mr. Darcy walked all the way from Pemberley to Elizabeth's friend's cottage and then just made painfully awkward conversation that lasted about two sentences, and we still love him. There is hope, friend. There is hope.
9. It's good to be direct with her, but it's good to be romantic, too.
Well said, Darcy, well said.
10. When it comes time — but only when it comes time — go in for the kill.
Yes, this photo is of a marriage proposal. Fear not! That's not what we're looking for for a long while. However, when you think it's time to take the next step, make it sweet and direct (notice a recurring theme here?). If you want her to be your girlfriend (or whatever stage you're at), ask her. Because it does not just happen on its own. You have to make it happen.
11. The "L" word is special. Only use it when you absolutely mean it.
Literally the most over-used word in the English language, "Love" has lost its practical meaning, in a way. In everyday use, we diminish its true value only to use it far too much, far too soon and far too fleetingly. Don't say it if you don't love the other person. Don't say it if you think you might love the other person. Don't use it if you want to love the other person but still have a funny feeling in your stomach about saying it (that's your body telling you that it's too soon because you probably don't mean it yet).
Love is wonderful and when you love someone you should tell and show them in every way you know how to. But until then, cool it.
I, and many women all over, appreciate you and hope you were taking mental notes. Just kidding (mostly).
Happy wooing!
Love,
Ladies Everywhere. XOXO
