I am a twenty-three year old woman who identifies as gay, and no, I am not confused, but thank you for always asking me if I'm "sure." My sexuality is not something for you to tell me how to feel about or something for you to determine for me. I cared so much what people thought and felt so insecure with myself that I didn't "come out" until I was 21. When I did it was just simple conversations with my close friends and family where I said hey I prefer women and am pursuing a relationship with one right now. That's it. I realized coming out wasn't as big of a deal as I had built it up to be. I have the love of my family and friends still, and that's how it should be. I am so blessed to have that because I realize so many people in the LGBTQ+ community do not.

I know people in my life that might have been confused on why I just started being so open about it. I just want to say that just because I wasn't open with my sexuality for a long time doesn't mean that this is a phase. Being gay is just as much a part of me as being straight is for those who identify as straight. I don't feel the need to introduce myself as: "Hi, I'm Jenn. I'm 23 and, I'm gay," but even if I did you shouldn't look at me any differently then if I said, "Hi, I'm Jenn. I'm 23, and my favorite color is purple".

It's insane the comments I get told or my friends get told as soon as someone new in our lives learns my sexual orientation. I get some typical gay jokes like, "How many flannels do you own?" and am really laid back about most of them, but I want to call attention to comments I've heard several times that simply shouldn't be said. Let me break down a few that have been said to my face or have been said to my best friends about me.

1. "You don't look gay though."

SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT GAY LOOKS LIKE! I really didn't know we all have to look a certain way. Apparently since I dress somewhat girly and wear makeup most of the time it doesn't make me look "gay enough" for some people.

2. "Is she sure she's gay? Honestly, it's just a phase. She is just confused."

I don't think one person has ever asked a straight person if they are sure they are straight or if its a phase. So why is it okay to ask someone who tells you they're gay that?

3. "You just haven't had the right D**K yet."

To all the men out there who say this to me, please just walk away. This is one of the most annoying and offensive things I've been told, and I've been told it countless times.

4. "So if you date girls... three way sometime?"

Again, all the men who say this... STOP. It's really not okay, and I don't get how you think it is.

5. "Wait, so you like a girl the same way I like guys?" -straight girl

Yes. I'm not sure why some people still struggle with the fact that same sex couples like each other the same way that straight couples do.

6. "When did you decide you were gay?"

I didn't "decide" any day. It isn't a choice, and I hope people realize that. I can't help who I'm attracted to. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community comes with a lot of scrutinization, I don't think anyone would just decide they want that. All that matters is I am what I am, and I need people to accept that.

7. "What a waste. She's too pretty to be gay."

I was out with my friends, and some guy was talking to my one friend expressing he wanted to buy me a drink. She said go for it, but that I was gay, so this was his response. I really don't have any words for this one but had to share it.

8. "Don't worry. She'll be back to dating men soon."

I overheard someone saying this, and it just sucks. "Don't worry." Like being gay is something to worry about.

9. "Wait you just said that guy was attractive, so are you like bi? Like are you sure you're gay?"

I am allowed to find anyone attractive. Attraction and sexuality are two completely different things. Personally, I identify as gay, but what if I was bisexual? Also, I can't tell you how many times my straight female friends point out other girls and say how pretty they are, yet nobody asks them if they're gay just because they called another girl pretty.

10. "Wait so who's the boy in the relationship?"

If I am in a relationship I can't tell you how many times I've been asked this. Why are there stereotypical gender roles that are still happening in any relationship? If my girlfriend pays for dinner, she is automatically "the boy" in the relationship because she paid? I am all about equality in any type of relationship. Let's leave the gender roles at the door, which I'll open for myself.